Thursday, October 30, 2008

"To Each Their Own."


my new friend H is never going to be my good friend H.
but that's alright.
so she likes to chat and has befriended me, which is compliment at the very least. we have nothing in common. we have negative in common we have so nothing.
but it's funny. she's sweet.
she listens to ALICE and goes to ALICE shows...
this weekend she said was
UNREAL.
she was standing right by my and BB's desks when she told the story.
she went to an oprah convention (no irony) and it was "so exciting!" because she and her sister found out somehow that oprah was going to be there even though she wasn't supposed to!!
and she adds, "more than anyone in the whole world i wish she was president. she is the best person in the whole world!"
so i asked, what happens at an oprah convention?
oh you know, all the famous people who work on her show are there giving seminars. like blah blah! "who's that?" i say. she says, Oh you know, from that show 'What Not To Wear' (pause for me to recognize. i do. i hate that show. i nod. she smiles.)
and she says "And blah blah was there..." who's that? i ask, "oh you know she's really famous, she's written like 20 books on spirituality."
then she flew to LA for a screening of the changeling and angelina was present and spoke and she just loves angelina, "she was so beautiful and well-spoken."

BB looks at me sideways with empathy and amusement.

then she asks about my weekend.

"well, on friday, i got home and my husband was passed out because he was up all night the night before recording crazy avant garde pop music. so i got bored fast. i ended up going to bed pretty early, but only because i smoked AN EIGHTH to my head. then saturday we got up and watched a movie. The Brave One, really good! we ended up just staying on the sofa watching on demand and smoking pot ALL DAY. that night my husband went to bed at 7:30 again and i got drunk. fortunately two of my friends came to keep me company. they snorted fat lines off the table so fast and hard, it scared me, but i didn't let it show. i ate a few vicodins that they scored in the tenderloin. i also downed two bottles of wine. WHOA. sunday night was the only time my husband and i left the house and it was to go out to eat. we went to the SP and sat outside. we ordered a bottle of wine and the seafood platter. i was dizzy from so many pills, but found recovery by escaping the television for the first time in three days. Showering helped too."

i'm not sure what made H. think we'd make good friends. she runs triathalons. i compete in smoke-a-thons.

is it my shoes?

Monday, October 27, 2008

"Hey Syd, let's play fetch"



my little friend syd used to do this too. he preferred q-tips. after that, white crumpled up tissue paper. When the game was over, he'd deposit the object into his water bowl.

Art Schmart?



went looking for a picture (above) i saw once, thinking it was a shepard fairey drawing. now i don't think so, but i still love it. well...until i saw that the person who made it has no allegiance to maine coons. now i doubt it's philosophical authenticity. if you wish, it can be bought here, but i plan on redrawing it in Illustrator and printing it at guy's work (sorry, shepard fairey impersonator).



during my search i found this drawing (above) by harmony korine. a man i both love and loathe. i love him for his obscure, weird movie, Gummo – even parts of his weirder, more obscure movie Julien Donkey-Boy – that encapsulates unspeakable moments emotionally and visually perfectly.

and i hate him for his stringent "i worship the devil" philosophy (because worshipping the devil and worshipping christ without hesitation, are two different ends of the same blind wand).

this drawing pushes me even further towards the latter. what a bastard! and isn't that what would make him even more famous...behing such a bastard. oh wait, it hasn't been fake the whole time has it??

the answer? no. but he shouldn't push it. ET is the most recognizable empathetic character to exist since 1970. i feel religious about what he represents. can harmony not handle it? *too much* existential angst? a little *too close* to the truth?

(Oh, duh it's me who can't handle it.)





seriously. there is so much more to make fun of than ET. i suppose that makes the drawing perfect. to my non-CHAG-rilitious-RIN.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Most Memorable Concerts #11-21

find #1-10 here.



11. ZEKE, Cocodrie, 1997. it was midnight and they just came on. "the most dangerous band alive" shredded every living thing within 5 feet of the stage. it was one of those, "thank god i live in san francisco" moments. loud hard fast punk rock at midnight with DP. pure mid-20s magic.



12. L7, Trocadero, 1997. ROCK ROCK ROCK ROCK. donita sparks... well, you know. she's the shit. also saw Sluts For Hire open. loved sluts. bought their cd. listened until it broke. looked 'em up on online to buy a new copy. found out "falling james" was their producer (?). he was previously married to ms. courtney love. my how things move in circles. we exchanged emails. he told me he would love to send me a new Sluts CD, but that would mean he'd have to dig through some shit. which means it probably won't happen. and that was that. fun exchange with COURTNEY LOVE'S EX-HUSBAND. later found the Sluts on limewire. or somewhere.





13. Green Day, Fillmore, December 16, 1997. my friend DP and i hadn't had much fun at shows lately. since the magazine we were writing for went under, we didn't have as much motivation to go out and see stuff. then green day hit the fillmore. we have to go, i told her. and we went. first time either of us saw them. they were so fun, as they always are. energetic, funny, engaged, loud and fast. all you really need in life right there in one band. i find inspiring the fact that bassist mike dirnt used to suffer from panic attacks, but learned to overcome them. the place was filled with teenagers. DP loves to ask questions of people, to engage. unlike me, i like disengagement better. she tortured the teenagers with her questions about which member they like best, what their favorite green day song is, where they go to school...always a great time seeing a show with DP, my favorite show partner for life. as much as i like to disengage, and she to engage, we work perfectly together on this platform. after the show, we walked towards her place in the marina. straight up fillmore and over the hill. as we reached the top where all the houses are the size of a city block, we found a sofa someone had left on the curb to be trashed. a nice sofa. green velvet. we decided to take a rest and ended up sitting on the sofa for an hour and a half, recounting the show, smoking pot, and laughing uproariously. what fun. i miss that.



14. Sonic Youth, Warfield, November 8, 1995. i lived across the street. it was the first time i went with my friend, DP's friend, who happened to be related to lee renaldo. good god, what luck! we had a great time at the show, bikini kill AND the Amps (kim deal) opened. they played two nights and i went both nights. but the first night with lee renaldo's relative was special. there were four of us in our little group, them and me and my little sister. the other one. she loved sonic youth long before me. in fact, she gave me a copy of Dirty the year before. it got me through long bus ride waits all winter. so anyway my friend's friend drew 3 backstage passes out of her pocket. there was a moment of silence. what followed was an unbelievable feeling i'll never forget. when the three passes were handed out, one to me, one to DP and one to lee renaldo's relative; i gave my pass to my sister. i was overwhelmed with the absolute knowledge that i must give her my pass and sit this one experience out. while they went behind the fat purple velvet rope, i went out front onto market street, where i tried to fold myself into a tiny alcove and become invisible, and enjoy some cigarettes. I was prepared to wait for them and propel unruly types from my feet. little did the guard know that i was a local. i was a few hundred feet from my front door. lucky for me what he saw was a young woman in a sweet dress. he saw a girl who might get hassled any minute. he worried about me. he walked over to see what i was up to, "oh just waiting for my friends who are backstage," i told him. "hmm" he said and walked away and then came back. "hey, your friends are backstage you said?" "yeah." "will they recognize you if i take you there?" "yeah!" and with that, he led me through a door right off market street, and down a very long, black hallway, and then down another two long black hallways. i had no idea even which way i was facing when he suddenly opened a door. i stepped in, and there were my friends and my sister hangin' out with thurston and lee and kim. FUCK! there was a little up and down as i entered the sanctum. i saw kim check out my vinyage orange velvet shift dress. i sat down with everyone and they continued their conversation. DP was chatting with lee. his relative m. was chatting with thurston. my sister was hanging right behind them. me? i was flushed straight into my chair, frozen in the completely surreal moment. DP handed me a magnet of a washing machine, the graphic from the album of the same name, with lee's and thurston's autographs on it. when i got home that night, across the street in my tenderloin loft, i threw the magnet on my art-destroyed cement floor and immediately sprayed fixative all over the front of it, so it will last forever. to this day, it's on my fridge, and the autographs in sharpie are as bright as ever. hey! that's another good commercial idea for sharpies!

15. Duran Duran, Oakland Coliseum Arena, April 13, 1984. The Contractions opened: this was my first concert ever. entries in my diary at this time read,"going to duran duran. i don't care if it costs me $50, i'm getting front row!"i love how i said things like this without having any idea how it all worked. my mom took me. we left early in the day and i was taken out of school. this was all extreme privilege and reward for getting an A- on my constitution test. i was 13 and in 8th grade. i almost never got positive reinforcement, so i know my mom did a lot of work to get me there. (i still thank her). my eyes were wide open all day, it was so intense. my young mind was blown wide open. thoughts like, "they're people and there's only one of them, and they're not anywhere else in the world, they're right in front of me."there was a lot of screaming from all the young girls in audience. my mom put her fingers in her ears and found she could still hear the music but not the screaming. i couldn't believe how huge the coliseumarena was. i'd never seen anything remotely like it. the people in the top row looked to be about 2" tall. i danced the entire show standing in my seat. so, so exciting. my bratty friends whose parents didn't care what they did, and who got a ride to the show with us, got mad at my mom because she wouldn't let them run down to the front. i was so happy to be there, i didn't care about the front anymore. i was mad at my friends because they weren't so happy to be there and they said mean things about my mom. teenagers are horrible people. the line we waited in was something i couldn't stop talking about."it was as wide as this room and longer than the eye could see!"i wore my favorite gray twill Triangle pants with leather bands at the cuffs and bought a t-shirt there (still have it), as well as a program. the show was sponsored by coca-cola. i can still see the insignia that was incorporated into the design of everything. it was a pivotal and profound night for little me. live music affected me unlike anything i had ever experienced. it made me happier than i'd ever been. it was a salve for my wrecked teenage nerves. for at least a year, i counted backwards in my head how long it had been since the show. "wow, two days ago at this time, simon le bon was right in front of me." "wow, two weeks ago at this time, simon le bon was right in front of me." "wow, two months ago at this time, simon le bon was right in front of me."after that night in 1984, pursuing live music became my full-time job. later in april of 1984, the Cinemax channel was introduced to the new "cable" invention, and featured a special movie made of Duran Duran's tour, shot mostly at the coliseum. in a most bizarre, lucky chain of events my dad, who never did anything fun, subscribed to cinemax and i got to see the movie. i taped it on our brand new top-loading VCR and watched it a million times. i memorized every simon dance move and entertained my mom by replicating the moves in the car as we drove along listening to Rio, or 7 or their first record. she was delighted and thought i was hilarious. seeing duran duran and live music in particular was the catalyst i'd been needing. i felt driven afterwards to take the right classes in high school so i could go to college and then see all the live music i ever wanted without anyone ever telling me i couldn't. and that's exactly what i did. 400 concerts (?) later...i'm 37 and still never miss a show by a band i like. no matter what. in fact, i emancipated myself from my parents when my dad flatly refused to let me see The Grateful Dead at Cal Expo in June of 1990. except for the butthole surfers at the greek in 1998, which i missed due to a family vacation. i still feel sad that i missed that show, vacation or not. especially since it was one of the last three they'd ever play here.


16. Duran Duran, Cal Expo, August 1986:
i bought a whole new outfit for this show. i went with some sacramento friends. i was coming off a month-long summer gig designing candles for a family friend in a candle factory. i spent most of my candle money on brand new boots, which i wore with pale yellow baggy cp shades shorts and a peach-colored shaker knit gap vestover a tshirt. i remember being unsure of concert protocol: how does one dress? i always thoughtsort of like a rock star, but a friend of a friend totally dressed up. i didn't give her much cred though since she was from
sacramento."ew, they wear makeup." this was also the first show i ever tried to sneak into, and my third show ever. while waiting in line two funny things happened: 1. i sucked down an ammonia inhalant someone dared me to sniff and almost passed out 2. out of boredom, i left my friends to save my spot in line and snuck around the band area in the back and contemplated darting into the backstage area through a hole in the fence. i didn't do it. i wasn't that brave yet. But it paved the way for future sneaking-in. i dedicated myself to being in the front row for this show. i had never had a chance and actually wasn't all that attracted to it, but felt i must try it. like a drug i'd just learned about, i was ambivalent. but i did it for the experience. needless to say i was alone. sacramento friends would have nothing to do with what i was about to experience over the next several hours. in my knee-length cp shades shorts, white tshirt and gap shaker-knit vest, i entered the pit. and stayed all the way through the incredibly and super gay erasure and halfway through duran duran. i gave up when it was obvious, even to dehydrated me that i had accomplished what i set out for. i had swayed with the audience off my feet. i had seen short girls faint and
get passed forward. i had tilted my head back so that at six feet tall, i was able to barely get a whiff of the fresh air that hovered above the crowd like the opposite of smog. when i emerged from the crowd, pulling my legs out behind me as i had to nearly jump to safety, i laughed and laughed. my shorts were pulled down to my mid-calves. my shaker-knit vest was grazing my knees. everything had been stretched by heat and moisture, nothing was actually falling off. i decided that night that i would never see duran duran again. they were going political and i wasn't in to that. i didn't like the way simon le bon stood behind a podium and yelled at the audience. church damage. it was unattractive. i was done with the double ds.

17. UB40, San Diego, August 1988. was a brand new freshman living in the dorms. had no friends, but a nice roommate. we decided to go see UB40 at some big place that was pretty far away. had no idea. took a taxi. it was $30 each way. san diego was huge we were learning. wore good northern california clothes like the newbie i was: heavy rollneck sweater, long black pants and a black turtleneck. nearly suffocated in my own sweat. felt like an idiot. show was ok. i was only into Geoffrey Morgan, not a huge fan. first time out as an independent adult felt pretty good though. i was one week from turning 18.

18. The Melvins, small club in San Diego, 1989. the Melvins caused me great pain at this show. can't remember where it was, some small club in ocean beach. i have never heard something so loud in such a small space. it was weird. i was really surprised. i had to leave. there was a sharp pain stabbing my eardrums. i wouldn't have been surprised to see blood.

19. Man or Astroman?, Bimbos, July 15, 1996. a story that is nauseating to remember especially for a night that started out perfectly. my friend DP and i popped some ecstacy tabs and headed over to Broadway with her boyfriend as our coach. the show was so much fun. loud, fast, funny...great stage design too. old tvs were propped up on piles of cords, the onscreen fuzz pumped in time to the music. we laughed and laughed and laughed. fantastic time. when the show was over, we went outside. i was probably smoking cigarettes. i'm sure we were busy recounting our favorite songs, i know we were still really high. all of a sudden our attention was grabbed by a young girl who had just fallen over and puked on herself. we were shocked and stunned. the drug was making us super sensitive to her feelings/predicament/possible near-future of being taken advantage of. she was alone. we got her up and leaned her against a small tree, where she managed to stay standing, but not without significant sway and occasional attempts at speaking. she was so fucked up there was no way to even begin to guess what she had taken. it seemed like a lot of alcohol and very heavy pills. DP and i were very concerned. the ecstacy was not helping us stay city- distant and aloof. we asked her where she lived. "17th and 7th," she said, barely audible, barely intelligible. "17th and 7th. 17th and 7th." DP and i looked at each other, concerned. i considered myself extremely well-versed in city geography and i proclaimed with confidence that, "None of the number streets cross!" now, 12 years later, i know i was wrong and have never forgotten that i possibly sabotaged her well-being. we got a her a cab anyway, and put her in the backseat. the taxi drove off...and promptly returned in reverse and with vigor. the taxi door opened right where we were standing and a very pissed off cab driver got out, swearing, and pulled her out. he leaned her back up against the tree where we found her, swore about her puking in his cab, and was gone. it was getting late. what were we going to do with this poor girl who was totally vulnerable to the night? people weren't on the street so much, everyone had gone home. somewhat suspiciously we told the door guy about her and that she'd need help. he and another guy said they'd help. we didn't feel good about this, but we were waning and terribly bummed out. we had no car to put her in. there was nothing else we could do. it was so unexpected. it affected us profoundly. we still cringe if one of us says, "remember the girl at man or astroman?" ugh.



20. Berlin, Great America Theme Park (then called "Marriott's Great America), August 4, 1984. went with 2 girlfriends, one's little sister and their mom. hot hot hot day. rode roller coasters all day until the sun started to set. filed into amphitheatre. obnoxious band (?) opened up with guy singer who sang something about no money, no car, no girl. finally berlin came on. since this was only my 2nd concert ever, i was still in a state of shock to realize the immediacy and exclusivity of rock concerts. these people aren't anywhere else in the world!this is the only place in the world this is happening!!i loved the show. at 13 i was 5'9" and had no problem seeing the stage. i loved terri nunn (and her totally original hair color), and i loved that at the beginning she had such a positive message: "we called this album 'love life' because we love life!"yeah,my 13-yr-old heart soared, yeah.i guess i needed to hear this because life had never sucked as much for me as it did at age 13. at the end of the show, terri took all of her jewelry off and threw it into the audience. i caught her heart-shaped pinky ring with a quick hand high in the air. an older teenager in front of me whirled around and screamed, "BITCH!" i wonder if she was surprised to see a baby-faced girl instead of a woman? because of my height, i was always perceived as older. either way, i remember feeling shocked to my core. i'd never been called a bitch before. i still have the ring.

21. the strokes, Bill Graham Civic, October 31, 2002. first and only time i ever truly threw my neck out at a show from thrashing too hard. expected it to happen many times, but it only happened once and that was the strokes and the song was Take It Or Leave It. fortunately, it was also the last song. i'm pretty sure it made a noise when it snapped, although i'm also sure i couldn't possibly have been able to hear it. sometimes sound has a feeling like smell has a taste?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hot Hunter



lordy he was hot back in the day. good god.

"It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die."



"There was one exact moment, in fact, when I knew for sure that Al Gore would never be President of the United States, no matter what the experts were saying — and that was when the whole Bush family suddenly appeared on TV and openly scoffed at the idea of Gore winning Florida. It was Nonsense, said the Candidate, Utter nonsense. . . Anybody who believed Bush had lost Florida was a Fool. The Media, all of them, were Liars & Dunces or treacherous whores trying to sabotage his victory. . . Here was the whole bloody Family laughing & hooting & sneering at the dumbness of the whole world on National TV. The old man was the real tip-off. The leer on his face was almost frightening. It was like looking into the eyes of a tall hyena with a living sheep in its mouth. The sheep's fate was sealed, and so was Al Gore's."

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

NO!



suddenly everyone is into "NO!" and don't tell me i'm wrong when i tell you JE copyrighted that in 2003!

shame on you!

those who know me know i'm very into yoko ono's YES and in fact have a two-piece necklace made by friend MW, that reads both YOKO SAYS YES and LOU SAYS NO.



the thing is, is my NO is only meant for the man.

NO! I DO BELIEVE IN YES!





wait, what?

Everyone asking for HELP



on the way to work today i saw this new obama sticker, and believe me, in marin county EVERY car has one. when i saw that it was obama looking skyward in a peaceful way, some kind of gate opened and i could suddenly feel EVERYONE's sadness in this plea for HOPE. on every car. everywhere. everyone asking for HELP. i started crying and letting the feelings come...the tears were over when the car moved out of my lane and out of my sight. i stopped then to let another car merge from a gas station. the lady waved to me. i waved back. friendly. as soon as she turned into my lane i was met with another obama sticker and yet another new one that said HOPE, but in the style of that famous '60s graphic reading LOVE. the tears came again. even hotter this time! this time i got mad!

our whole country is super globally depressed! it's so freaking sad! I'M SICK OF IT! ENOUGH ALREADY! fuck!

File under "exsqueeze me"


Well, my theory that plants know what's up much more than people give them credit for has been proven and it's pretty astonishing.


(thanks to BB for sending this to me.)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Good Taste Recipe



a recipe that can't fail and takes very little attention span:
get halibut steaks.
serve each person a little less than 1/2 pound.
get Virginia's Blue Cheese Dressing.
put blue cheese dressing in pan.
put halibut steaks in pan.
pour blue cheese dressing over halibut steaks.
cut up some red onion very thinly.
put onion on halibut steaks.

put in oven at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes.

because it tastes good!

(for a side dish i served green salad with avocado and tomato. all organic. used Virginia's Champagne Vinaigrette. I would recommend a different vinaigrette. i would also recommend serving caramelized onion/shallot/garlic/baby portobello alongside the salad, and in that case sans avocado.)

Friday, October 17, 2008

"Bring Out Yer Dead!"*

i love how i'm the leper people are afraid to touch.
there are whispers of my unemployment sickness.
those who did not talk to me before, now will not even look at me.
those who looked but did not talk, tilt their head down when i walk by.

i'm the diseased girl on her way out.

no one wants to grow emotions for me.

i'm almost dead.


*thank god for monty python.

Poetic Chat


been keeping my ichats for a long time. there's something poetic about them...something there...haven't figured out what. so when friend B. showed me this ichat script between he and his friend, i felt like i was seeing what i've been looking for. enjoy.

19 minutes
9:52 AM me: Now i remember
Dude: OBEY
EAT DRINK
SLEEP REPRODUCE
WORK
BUY A HOUSE
me: yellow
Dude: nice
me: blue
red
colors
Dude: roy g biv
me: mik
9:53 AM Dude: yep you got it
your really doing it peter
Dude: coke
Dude: your flying
me: juice
drinks
beef
Dude: pool parties
me: chicken
pool parties
xanax
gone
Dude: lavish hotel suites while you cheat on your wife
me: cell phone
Dude: binoculars
and perfectly ironed pleated dockers
9:54 AM me: monocle
sp?
Dude: a mans telephone number
me: nice pants
Dude: for when your l lonley
me: I'm loney
Dude: c3po's
me: lonley
Dude: head bonnet
me: 2CB
hair cut
Dude: cb4
best movie ever
me: C3PO
Dude: green leather
me: R2D2
Green lantern
9:55 AM Dude: ru2ez
exclamation points
me: @
Dude: and dredlocks
me: fairfax
Dude: ha ha
naves
best bar never
me: yes
book beat
beat
beat
beat
Dude: adjustable beds
9:56 AM me: adjust
smiles
Dude: a cyber orthodox
me: jewberspace
Dude: flowers in your gun barrell
peace and homemadeclothes
me: hippie
fairfax
9:57 AM Dude: coffeeshop in middle of abandoned parking lot
with hot chicks always workin
faxtown
me: running at that
Dude: will neva let ya down
cheap drugs
me: mayberry on acid
Dude: crappy people
rad outdoors
a river
me: dirt surfers
Dude: bolinas rats
me: John Walker Lindh
9:58 AM Dude: h aha
he went to my highschool
me: how old is he
Dude: b streets new crappier bar
27
me: he can drink now
Dude: yep
finally
only in fax town
you will see my buddy from high school kickin it out there
me: sorry your boy went taliban on you
Dude: he always wears a jesus robe thats red
9:59 AM and lookes like filth
me: I see him daily.. thouht that was lindh
Dude: ha ha
no but if hes with someone that looks ok
me: I tried to give him some shoes
Dude: hs not
his name is charles
what did he do?
me: nice
he didn't want them
Dude: yes
10:00 AM he used to be normal
me: it was cold that night
Dude: his parents are hella rich
me: really
Dude: yep
fat pad in greenbrae
we used to party up ther
he was into hard drugs
me: is he street kid..
to much of what?
Dude: h, acid shrooms
me: huh
Dude: each person has their tolerances
he didnt know his
10:01 AM me: i guess
he's looped
time for work
10:02 AM Dude: me also peace

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Kicked out of the club


well, the Bobs just slashed me right the fuck out of the company i work for altogether. no contracting anymore even. no nothing. i thought i still had contracting as an option, but that changed today. tears were shed. i made real friends there.

i am now absolutely jobless. unless i take the administrative job my editorial director offered me. that person is leaving for a month. sick leave or something. oh well. whatever. nevermind. the last time i worked a position that didn't require talent...i cried every single day and hated myself with great fury and defeat. elitist? oh well, whatever...you know how the song goes. the funniest thing ever is how upset i got last night when guy showed me my tax forms all fixed up by his company's tax dude. what was upsetting you may say, i mean having someone do your taxes is a dream come true.

how about this: in the space where you write what your occupation is he had written one word. it was not WRITER or ARTIST, as i have felt pride in declaring every year since 1994. no. it was this: ADMINISTRATIVE.

funny, isn't it? now that will actually be true. for a month. i guess.

tears would not stop coming out of my face when my ed.director told me next friday is my last day as an editor...i have never felt SAD about losing a job. i felt SAD about having to leave art department. in fact, got pretty damn depressed over it. but this is involuntary and i feel nothing but SAD SAD SAD. not even scared about the money i won't be bringing in that we desperately need.

just sad. SAD.

the world keeps proving to me time and again that HARD WORK DOES NOT PAY OFF.


in other news that's nice and symbolic: the economy is so bad that Rolling Stone has trimmed it's size to that of Vogue or fucking US Weekly and every other mag. i don't even know how to read it in this format. it feels all wrong. 40 years? 50? how long has RS existed without ever having to change it's signature look?

apparently this is just hitting home for me and i am sitting here confounded, wondering like everyone what the motherfuck is going on in this country.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

SomeEcard for SomeEshit

more from friend J today. couldn't be said better.

The Opposite of NO



my friend J. has sent me a visual to assist in the understanding of the opposite of NO. of course, in our art department world, NO only applies to the establishment. the man.

it is important to say NO only to the man. it is easy to forget this. thank you j. for the assist.

why jim carrey is jumping in the air that way, i do not know. no.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I've got a hairy eyeball in my fridge


harriet climbs into the refrigerator every time it's opened. guy has closed the door on her. when he opened it a few seconds later, she was just standing there.

she's an eccentric.

Injury Log #9



when eating, roof of mouth feels like it's been punched. sustained pain.
extreme pain between shoulder blades as result of not sleeping.
not sleeping for three days in a row.
aural hallucinations - listened to tv for three hours while not sleeping. no tv was on. heard and was able to sing along to commercials. heard infomercials all night which is exactly what would have been on between 2:30am and 5:30am.
two big falls down the stairs. one outside. one inside.
smash head into shower stall out of pure frustration.
bruised head.
vibrating foot when i realize i've left my iphone somewhere and i don't know where.
find iphone. vibrating stops.

still no sleeping. no amount of drugs help. no combination of any amount of drugs helps.

i find myself obsessed with Fight Club all of a sudden.
I am Jack's inflamed fury.
I am Jack's empty pill box.
I am Jack's 15-year-old socks.
I am Jack's forgotten dream.
I am Jack's dirt star.



(This is going to be injury Log #9 because i haven't written #8 yet and it's almost time for #10. i don't want to be behind.)

Monday, October 13, 2008

I Blame The Bobs


so i didn't even get to write about my brand new permanent-for-real job! before it got taken away! we negotiated on a salary and settled. i signed paperwork allowing corporate to dig through all my private files in a background check. my background came out clean. everyone in the land was happy. everyone twiddled their thumbs waiting for the final handshake and the official Welcome Email.

and then they said, "Psych! no job for you."

NO JOB FOR YOU!

and all i can say is, i blame the Bobs. the Bobs have had a presence in our offices for a week or so. Not even everyone here knows who the Bobs are. but i do. and i still thought i'd escape their cold-hearted slashing.

i didn't.

thanks, BOBS.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Magical Fantastical Wayne Coyne


...in his kitchen.

best line from this new york times article: “I keep looking forward to the day when music is a liquid they pour into your head."

he has inspired guy and i to try a little bit harder with our house. while edging into interesting, it's still a little stiff.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Amy gives up drugs for Christ?

was totally shocked to read this:



...religion? really? amy winehouse, a christian, i thought. i don't see that.
reading further, the article is about the "church of scientology celebrity branch" and how it has "reached out to her."

i'm sorry, but scientology is not a religion. it's science fiction written by a science fiction writer. even scientologists say that!

(well, the part about religion)

Happy Birthday JL: Yoko's 2008 Message



it's that time of year again, kids.

put the good stuff out there. we are all connected on a universal plane in our collective unconsciousness. i truly believe good things, impossible things, lovely things, inspiring things...all these things can happen that aren't happening, that are lacking, that we need...through thought/prayer/meditation.

and then get back to yr punk rock please. thank you.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Crazy Joke





*i'd like to thank my rumination over this article, and my creativity for making this joke possible. oh, and god.

The world has something to say



and it's amusing


and horrible


every day.

Getting smarter about crazy


well well well what do ya know!!!

i love that while "experts ponder", someone somewhere is drawing a picture and poking a fork in their eye.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Kissing the Lapless


with harriet, it's been hard to know when she really needs something, or if she just really really really needs something that she wasn't getting in her recent past.

she'll meow over and over and over when we come home from work. it's right at the time when you don't even want to talk to your partner. it's a transitionary time. but harriet meows and demands. she demands dinner (easily met with a handful of food) and then she demands a lap. at this time, both guy and i are seated, yes, but usually in some laptop configuration that does not allow room for even the skinniest of kitty cats.

so we'll ignore her. and she'll get really persistant. louder and louder! she's already loud! and, sometimes, we'll yell (because she is deaf, but also because we are impatient people), "Harriet! Not Now!" and she'll reluctantly, through a bit of struggle, settle down on a rug nearby.

other times i am wiser. i feel myself overcome my anxiety, discomfort and apprehension, and i'll pick her up and put her into my lap, even though i'm way up high, on a counter stool, sitting adjacent to the kitchen sink (her old scavenger hunting grounds).

when i do this, she moves around a little, gets a little in my way, but then settles and purrs more than any other part of the day.

i think about how she's been alone all day, and can't really get enjoyment from watching the birds out the window the way clementine used to when she lived inside, because she's mostly blind.

then i think about people and how they are the exact same way.

Chernobyl has major abandonment issues


in the spirit of abandonment (oh, woe is me and the abandonment issues)...check this out.

why would someone with abandonment issues love abandoned buildings and even better...abandoned cities?

because they're just like me? oh wah. wah wah wah.

or just very freaky.

ps. this writer does not condone shooting wild boars in Chernobyl, even though there is a different world happening there.

Scarlett Letter



ghost world is such a fucking great movie, i am going to have to go out and buy the DVD (belonged to the ex). for those of you living in the bay area, you might want to check this out.

the opening bollywood song is on eternal shuffle on my ipod. now that's fun dancin'. is also likely to pull you out of a bad mood.

what happened to scarlett johannson...the way she turned out. ew. she was the epitome of cool in ghost world and lost in translation. i realize she was playing roles in those movies, but i find the separation of character and "reality" appallingly vast. this doesn't mean i expect jake gyllenhaal to be gay because of brokeback, and totally gross because he's not...those of you who can see fine lines will know what i mean about scarlett.

she's all caught up in her boobs and lips just like everyone else. self-consciousness. selling out. homogenization. Not cool.

Support Groups of the Future



something funny is happening. a tranquilizer support group is forming around me. it is made up of people who take tranquilizers, and, based on a pinky shake, join the group promising to cover others if they run out of "pieces of mind" and likewise hand over pieces of mind should someone else in the group run out. this has happened because the government has clamped down so hard on tranquilizer-taking ("whoo, get scared, they'll all go crazy if we give them tranquilizers!" ??) that even if your doctor gives the legal go-ahead to refill a prescription before the time deemed necessary, they can say no. and they do. or they make you jump through so many hoops with so many phone calls that by the time you have your 'script in hand, you're beyond a nervous breakdown and have already been drunk for 3 days straight.

i like my tranquilizer support group. we all do. we all feel much more likely to be content and acquiescent in the near future. this should make everybody happy, because when we aren't content, we aren't acquiescent and we will make other people's lives more difficult. not a threat, just the facts ma'am.

i encourage others to form medication groups of their own. it's up to us to take care of us.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Gifted



for my birthday almost all i got was books. this is the best thing that can happen!

GIFTED:
Tweak by Nic Sheff
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me Chelsea by Chelsea Handler
Mutter Museum Historic Medical Photographs
Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss
The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White
When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris
Post Secret: My Secret (teenage edition) compiled by Frank Warren
The Magical Monarch of Mo by L.Frank Baum
and a gardening book from my sister i can't find right now...

thank you everybody!
chaka!

Kaufman, Charlie. Film, new.



excited to see Charlie Kaufman's new film due out October 24. especially because of keener.

The Son of Steve

My new tattoo: "This is how they found me"

i want this tattooed on my shoulder.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

beck confession



"watch all my troubles unwind
drinkin gasoline and wine"


sigh, remember when beck was cool and not scary? (read page 3, paragraph "Patch In: Scientology," he contradicts himself at least 3 times re: jeremy blake) i hate to say that about a man i worship.

just went to check out beck.com to find some lyrics and found only this. now i'm trembling in my ankle-high boots.

he used to have a really cool site, always changing, always beautiful. his new site is like an infomercial, a driver's ed movie from 1983, a saltine with no salt. his personality has been surgically removed.

it begs the question. what's going on with him? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH BECK?



meanwhile he continues to write ridiculously enjoyable songs year after year. love the gamma ray video: