Friday, April 27, 2012

The last 15 minutes of work on a Friday
























I feel a bit lightheaded, maybe you should drive. Huge bats, all screeching...diving at the car...and a voice was screaming, Holy Jesus what are these goddamn animals...

I'm at work. It's Friday, but that doesn't matter because most days here are a ridiculous waste of time. Most work is, this excludes "being creative" which almost never happens at work. Especially in creative jobs. "Creative job" is a nice way of saying "everybody's bitch with skillz".

I pour a glass of red wine in a mug that reads “ I LOVE CAKE.” It’s for some show that probably doesn’t exist anymore, some reality show about a guy who makes cakes. Who cares. To me, it says I LOVE THAT BAND, CAKE. And, also, I AM NOW DRINKING THE CALORIC EQUIVALENT OF CAKE AND I LOVE IT.

This page I’m typing upon is supposedly some searchable SEO content about...

Look, I already got bored thinking about my job.

I tune back in to the Hunter Thompson documentary playing on youtube in some background window. Hunter’s voice calms me, I know that if I tune out, I’m not going to suddenly return to consciousness with bullshit battering my brain. It will still be Hunter, still making sense. This is very calming.

He says: it’s in the interest of the greater good if we just smoke a joint and calm down. My life will be easier and yours too if I smoke a joint.

I am grateful that Sober Guy recognizes this fact about me.

Ten more minutes...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Serenity NOW


What’s going on with people? They’re so absurd and not the funny kind. 

Like the fighter Miguel Torres. His personal website is one big nonsensical mishmash of whatever: watch videos of Miguel making tacos on Sunday nights, watch him cut hair, teach kids how to warm up, go to the chiropractor, and illustrate the best attacks from the side. Don’t forget he’s a jokester who posted this to twitter: "If a rape van was called a surprise van, more women wouldn’t mind going for rides in them. Everyone likes surprises."

Know what else is really stupid? Thomas Kinkade, the painter and evangelical Christian who owned a factory that churned out his paintings “of light”. He had some recent troubles—other than dying—that included behaving inappropriately with women and urinating on a Winnie the Pooh figure at the Disneyland Hotel.

Yeah, you heard that right.

God grant me the serenity to ignore the Miguel Torreses and Thomas Kinkades of the world. The courage to be oblivious to current events and the wisdom to know which shoe goes on which foot.