Restrain this copywriter

This brain of mine is so full of lyrics and song titles and band names, it's impossible to avoid some of them slipping out and falling into my corporate writing gig.

Today I'm writing about place settings. Oh, my life is so hard. I can't believe I just said that and it's true. What slipped out today:










Oops, just lost another pop culture reference. Maybe if I wore a hat, they'd stay in my head.

"The One That Has All Those Teeth In His Mouth"

"I was a maître d’ at a restaurant for thirteen years. But one week I got a really bad case of pneumonia that put me in the hospital. While I was lying in that hospital bed, I was thinking about how I really didn’t want to go back to work. Then that motivational speaker came on TV. You know–the one that has all those teeth in his mouth. And he said: ‘Think back to what made you happy when you were young! That’s what you should be doing!’ Well I grew up in the country, and I always had a lot of dogs, so I thought that nothing would make me happier than to be a dog walker. But I knew I needed to distinguish myself. So I decided to make a uniform. I smoked a joint and came up with this outfit. I wanted people to look at me and think: ‘If this man is walking our dog, and there’s some sort of major disaster, he’s going to survive. He’s going to fish for those dogs. He’s going to build a bunker and shelter those dogs until it’s safe to bring them home.’ After I finished the design, I got four of my friends to wear the uniform, and we borrowed all the neighbors’ dogs, and we walked them down 5^th Avenue while handing out business cards. I got five customers that first day.”

--from the Humans of New York photo series/project

VW, I Love Thee

WHY do i not care about what VW has done? only that VW doesn't go away?

Is it because gen x grew up with parents who drove VWs, so it's not just a major element in my life but in most of my friends' lives? Is it because of the logo? Is it because VW cars look good even when they're looking like everything else? Am I shallow? Am I only about art? Do I love VW because of the great ads I used to read in Rolling Stone?

If VW ceased to be I don't know what I'd drive.

I'd stop driving.

Why I Quit Facebook

One day in 2008, after having an account for one week, I opened Facebook to see a message much like this staring me in the face.

And to that and this I have one thing to say.

Hanna Guide

Catleen Hanna.

Kathleen Hanna.

secret drinking problem coffee table

wouldn't it be fun/funny/great to have this coffee table with secret drinks inside. you could take one real quick while the husband/boyfriend/partner goes to the bathroom/kitchen/office during a commercial. no one would ever guess that this thing opens.

a must-have.

Kamikaze Deer

That scene from “The Leftovers” is a thing, and it happened to us this morning.

Rx and I were sitting at a stoplight, waiting to get on the freeway. The line of cars in both lanes was horrendously long. Suddenly something smashed into Rx’s door. I thought something was thrown. It was very confusing for a minute, until we saw the deer, running crazy down the middle between the two lanes. He didn’t have much room. Deer sort of bounce back and forth when they run. This was a buck and he was tearing out. And he slammed into our car on the way.

He took off into an area that I know doesn’t connect to a forest. Poor, poor deer. Poor dear.

Injured deer, thirsty deer, baby deer, deer on the side of the road, walking in the road, deer ticks. I hold a lot of worry for deers, like psychic scar tissue from viewings of Bambi and Watership Down.