He's gone.
guy tells me this. he doesn't want to. i answer the phone irritated. i have just gotten out of a therapy session that sucked balls and then i get in my car and i call guy because he told me to when i was done. i have attitude. he says he doesn't need it, just called to see how i'm doing. i tell him it sounded like he had something to say, please say it.
"i have bad news, lou."
(shit) WHAT?
"jim carroll died."
the tears hit the back of my lids, hot and ready. i watch them drip into my jeans and soak up immediately. i am silent. i am silently crying and watching the tears drip.
"...how"
"heart attack."
i hang up and put my head in my hands and bawl for all that is lost when the world loses an angel.
it is the most painful thing.
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