Monday, January 07, 2013

This is my morning commute voice

Get your rickety green ass out of my face.

An old CRV pulls in front of me. I know she can’t see that she’s in my lane within inches of the front of my car because the lanes are not clearly marked. But she doesn’t try to fix it. I give her no mercy and ride her. “See me now? Can you see me now.” She looks like a Berkeley pussy with rusty car parts and a window that doesn’t work. She's wearing an apron with pockets full of dirt. She’s got a big haul of shit that’ll end up in her bathtub while she figures out what to do with it. There’s something that can be done. These things are totally fine. Barely used.

One thing I never see is a slow VW. They just don’t exist. Now, slow Porsches, plenty of those. They're precious little objects that no one can touch.

Oh nice, the big fat ass of a Toyota minivan right in front of my face. What makes you think you can handle the fast lane? What the fuck is wrong with your eyes?? It’s uphill and no minivan has any business being in it. Not even a Mercedes minivan, if you can believe they make them.

There is little as mean as my mind in the morning and I’m not going to pretend anything else.

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