Please forgive us.

"i can't drive today?" i ask him as we go out to my car.

"no," he said. "we're in a hurry. i drive faster, i can't be late for work!!!"

we get in the car.
we pull through town.

guy takes a turn onto main street at a very high speed right as a little tabby cat darts into the road. his head hits our front left tire, i can't tell if it's underneath or on the side of the tire. we feel a hit. i immediately scream/yell. i pound both of my fists twice into my heavy leather bag which sits in my lap. pound pound pound pound. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! i scream. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! i can only make a sound, no words can be formed.

"we have to go back, we have to help him!!" i yell.
guy says, "no I CAN'T BE LATE FOR WORK!"

I scream at guy, "have you ever had a pet killed in the road?" i ask him. he says no.
"it's horrible! it's horrible to see them lying there dying, gasping for breath, looking at you for help!!

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" i scream some more and pound my fists into my leather bag.

i cry and cry. i cry all the 20 minutes it takes to get to the ferry.
"do you even feel bad?" i ask guy, as he sits there in silence, totally expressionless, no emotion whatsoever. he freezes up when he gets scared.

"we'll talk about this when you're not hysterical." he tells me.

i dig out my sunglasses and try to prepare for the fact that i'm about to have to face a boat full of people with a red and swollen face. i try to compose myself, but lose it again as images of my cats who have been hit by cars, back when i was a little girl and a teenager, fill my mind. their eyes looking up at me. their beautiful bodies destroyed. all the things that make them wonderful creatures...pretty fur, little ears, purring, velvet-y paws, long eyelashes, sweet consolation loves when you're sad and they somehow know it.

i feel myself going to a bad place where i hate all humans and in fact hate myself for being a human.