Missing The Butts

Dear Butthole Surfers,
I am staggeringly, nauseatingly, groundhog-day living, every single moment crushed when i think of it; crushed like garlic, like stink bugs, like oxycontin...

i'm missing the SF shows. the only west coast shows. at all. since 2002.

i think about how i'm missing your show on new year's eve and i literally put my hands in the air and channel the energy, the energy that wants to know WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. am i missing these shows. and WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY are you the only band ever of whose shows I've unwittingly missed since leaving high school. ONLY.

just now i looked up the site to see if you had added an LA date. which i would fly to. or drive. whatever. i have now learned that you have added the brilliant Negativland as an opening act on NYE. salt in the wound, guys. salt in the wound. just grind it in. cook it. and eat it.

dudes. i am grateful you are playing for the hordes that will get to see you god knows they need it. we all do. but announcing your first show in nearly 7 years three weeks before a major holiday to take place on said holiday...is just cruel.

it's cruel, butthole surfers.

my heart screams. my hair falls out.
goddammit i'm missing you again because i will be in another country.

FUCK!!!!

sincerely, the girl who would snap her neck for you if you really hit it on "i saw an x-ray...",
louisiana jones

Eve

well it's the eve of the eve of the day when super cool things start to happen. it's the eve of the eve of the morning in which we open presents we have put under the little charlie brown tree. wow! presents. i did not expect presents to happen this year. and then suddenly there were a ton! and the tree looks so much prettier!

it's the eve of the eve of the day on which we wake up and eat delicious fat juicy cinnamon rolls and drink coffee slowly. that's a tradition in both of our pasts.

it's the eve of the eve of the day when guy and i sit around fat and happy all day. then go to a cocktail party thrown by our off-the-charts, over-the-top, "i'll-join-the-circus-if-you-say-so" cool neighbors, and new friends.

it's the eve of the eve of the day on which we also go visit an old friend. a dear friend. a friend who is the champion in the fight with himself over meth addiction. he's five months clean and going strong. best present ever.

it's the eve of the eve of the day when no doubt i will cry buckets of happy tears, as i am now crying buckets of sad tears while hearing "The Rose" coming off the TV in the next room.

it's the eve of the eve of the day that's two days closer to the darkness turning to daylight, the end of the ever-burdening fluorescent-light reign at work. and to gardening in the evening. and grilling.

it's the eve of the eve of the evening in which guy and i get on a plane and fly to Cozumel, Mexico and arrive very very early or very very late, however you want to say it...and stay up after hours of travel because life around is just too unbelievably freaking exciting. and different. and our hearts pound. and it's that feeling that doesn't come hardly ever. like the happiness can reach the center of your heart the way the fear always can.

so. on this eve of the eve of the day of all this, i say LOVE to you and to tell you that with the fortunate occupation of our New President in the white house in january...that i can now say PEACE to you and really feel it's possible. and goddamn. goddamn if that isn't just the BEST THING EVER.



(hopefully i can check back in on later days before returning on jan. 2. but i'm not bringing the laptop. it won't mix well with the sand i plan to live in.)

Madonna, no more

uh, has anyone noticed? madonna has ruined herself forever!! ugh!! another star to mess up their face with plastic surgery...i just expected more from madonna. isn't she supposed to be smart? a successful mogul? wouldn't someone have told her that a face lift could ruin her? when people don't want to look at you anymore, well, that's a bad business move.

madonna...is hideous. just hideous. watching her cat-like jocelyn wildenstein new face attempt to communicate her emotions and ideas was so wince-worthy on a recent TV interview...seldom have i felt such a strong negative reaction to a person's face as i did hers then.

she was, before surgery, a beautiful woman. truly. you can see it in the face of her young daughter. that lady was gorgeous! and yeah, she aged and got wrinkles! but she also weighs 50LBS. and is toned as a mofo. What happened to her good sense?

MADONNA IS NO MORE!!

As a non-fan, I am still supremely disappointed and icked-out beyond belief. You must see her attempt to speak out of her botox-paralyzed face. there's probably something on youtube. you will not believe your eyes.

SAD. i hope whatever insanity struck her to do such a thing to her beautiful face doesn't strike me. maybe it's like a virus. hopefully not airborne.

Evites, an invitation from HELL

This is a letter to the people,

People.

Stop using evites. They are rude (a guest list everyone can see?). They are insensitive to the person the party is for (an ever-changing RSVP list the guest of honor is privvy to???). They are a sign of outright laziness and lack of creativity (and not the kind that makes beautiful paintings, but the kind that solves problems).

They are clearly a mistake of the modern age and they need to end.

Thank you,
person who is going to hold on to past ideals until her crooked, cold hands are pried apart postmortem.

Sonic Muppet Time

sonic youth! yeah!

and they have a new documentary! (or rather, and more accurately noted, one was made of them...)

and look at the double bill it got in on!

and i missed it! but you can download clips of it here. yes!

the doc is...cute. so far. (hope is for the young filmmakers to find their way out of easyville though.)



(thanks to BH for this info!)

"Fire! Fire on the Mountain!"

guy's business partner had some wood delivered to the house.

the truck pulled up, the driver got out and walked towards the door.

then the truck blew up!
it blew up!
just like that.



it caught the $80k Mercedes next to it on fire.


the Mercedes is done.

the firetrucks came.



they were from George Lucas' compound. they are in fact from the Skywalker Fire Company. Which it seems, was a condition of the county's agreement with him over his property and what he can and cannot do there.

who knew? i don't think E! News knows.

"and I'm cliimbing the staaairaiirway to hea-ven"

well, i guess i've never come out as a stair-lover. thought that was well-known but if my husband doesn't know it...i'm not so sure.

LOVE STAIRS. it's just another beautiful opportunity to apply design for the same purpose in many ways.

today friend T. sent me an email about his boyfriend buying him a knock-off Gropius bookcase. i don't know who Gropius is. i probably would have learned that in my fourth year of studying art. i don't know. bauhaus is something of a mystery to me.

my research led me to this.

and may i just say that on the TV show, Moonlighting, Maddie Hayes' home staircase blew my mind every week. ALL I WANTED as a 14-year-old was an awesome beautiful extensively insanely elaborate modern staircase. just like hers.

the other ALL I WANTED thing was Bruce Willis as David Addison. he was really sexy back then.

now i'm more into floating staircases or this kind of thing.

and guy. (twinkle twinkle)

(staircase above is sort of what Maddie Hayes' staircase looked like, but hers was longer, wider and more graceful with less verticality)

amazing, the things i can carry in my hands all at once

1.
cat
pipe
lighter
big bag of tobacco
glass of wine
iphone

2.
large handbag
SLR camera
computer power cord
15" macbook
2 boots
pair of socks
iphone

3.
cigarette
cigarette butt
15" macbook
glass of wine
pot box
pipe
lighter
ideas

Comfort with meaninglessness

gosh, golly, gee. i've never read a better analysis of my step-dad, the programmer ever!

no wonder we couldn't get along. which is an understatement. the only word to accurately describe my exit at age 17 is "BOLTED."

tears tears and more tears, that guy gave me. life is so much better since "dad" has no lockdown privileges. Quarantine is a better description of his discipline practices.

my disease must have been the need for MEANING. my struggle, never hearing WHY.

it's really no surprise he's an atheist.


(above is the only picture that came up in an image search for "meaninglessness," which i'm feeling is probably meaningless.)

Someecard guy does it again

thanks to friend, J. for sending this to me today. how true true true it is.

Injury Log #10

well, this one's different, that's for certain. let's see...first off, i somehow gained a xanax addiction in one week. 8 days. i know i gave at least 10 out of 30 of them away, maybe 13, just to be nice and because i thought getting my refill wouldn't be a problem (doctor gave me three and that i've yet to see any other time). and this is stupid because it's been a problem in the past with klonopin, which i stopped taking 8 days ago. why, one wonders, why oh why would i think it'd be different with another "controlled substance."

one might also wonder, Why the fuck is getting a refill so NOT HAPPENING?? well, i thank nancy reagan for that. what a stupid woman. The War On Drugs. FUCK YOU. pharmacies and insurance refuse to refill until a certain amount of time has passed. to me, this is new. or was it just the City, and the pharmacists there who felt it wasn't their business to say yes or no to business? i think that is possible, oh yes. fucking country. no, i love where i live. (fucking country). so, this lack of control over my own medication has taught me something possibly valuable and that is: i will no longer give this fascist America (soon to change? CHANGE?) that kind of control over my life. i'm done with anything "controlled" by them.

let's see what else. oh, more unusual injuries.
1.The Breeders were so weak, as i have written on this here online ad-free magazine, that it hurt.
2.The Butthole Surfers, who are only eclipsed by Sonic Youth in my Great Big Music Journal of Love, have just announced that they are playing the Fillmore for two nights including New Year's Eve. why does this hurt? BECAUSE I'LL BE IN MEXICO. and while that seems like a big "Wah, Wah, Oh I Feel So Sorry For You," let me say this: i would pay to come home early to see them if i could afford it. REALLY. they have played live um, like THREE times in the last DECADE! and it's been 7 years since the last show.

so, today, while suffering from MASSIVE menstrual cramps, that i spent $20 useless dollars on at Rite Aid for pain management, I also found out that i'm about to be asked to do that shitty admin. work for another month while also operating as a copyeditor AND a production artist at my floundering asshole-run company corporate bullshit job.

as if that all wasn't enough, i'm also out of P.O.T. and, AND when i went for my back-up, the delicious czech liquer, Becherovka...BevMo was out of that.

i got tears, i got rage, i got a desire to drive off a cliff.

fortunately i also got friends.

and ween.

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