today is the first day i bought a bottle of wine in 17 days and i've never come closer to smoking.
today is the first day i started bleeding again since my exploratory surgery. and i really can't take it anymore. i really can't. can't. really really can't.
today i received something beautiful in the mail. it's not for me, it's a gift my friend (j) bought my sister for her baby. radiohead in lullaby form. it is seriously beautiful. i opened it because i needed something.
smoke.
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