Teen Spirit

the interview today pretty much sucked. i went to see about a copywriting job at a marketing firm in marin county, not far from home. i was extremely hopeful since getting it would mean no more commuting to the city. as it turned out, getting this job would also mean hating myself to the core.

i interviewed with two people. the first was a young woman who works on the eBay account as the only writer, and needs help. she was nice, although a little awkward, kind of nerdy and shy. she liked me enough to give me a test, so that's positive. the writing would be fairly creative. i'm hardly excited about it though. maybe it was the atmosphere. all cubicles and not much of a creative-feeling environment. the building is like what you see in an office park, but stands on its own by the bay. there's nowhere to go for lunch or anything to see there if you need to get away except some rotting seaweed and mucky muck. this is the kind of place you end up ONLY working at. you don't do anything there but work. you don't run to walgreens to get advil, you don't take a break and go peruse fresh cut flowers at the high-end florist down the street and you certainly do not have extraneous fun while on the job.

after the ebay lady, a guy came in to interview me for a horrible horrible project about teen leadership in the form of a conference for high schoolers. it made me cringe. i didn't know what to say about it, or what the interview man wanted me to say. he seemed to be waiting for some kind of reaction. i asked a couple of questions and he told me how enthusiastic the kids are about "leading." i couldn't think of anything to say about that, since it's the complete opposite of me or the pot-smoking, rock music-listening teenager i was. i told him i like teenagers and bond well with them and i have a strong understanding of youth culture, which really has nothing to do with a project of this nature. it was so weird. the guy was strange, very business-like with a strained way of talking. i left feeling gross. i knew, as i exited the building, that i would be rolling a cigarette upon entering the car, and driving while smoking for the first time.

As soon as i pulled away, Smells Like Teen Spirit came on the radio. i felt sick to my stomach at the thought of having to work on something like teen leadership, when i'm way more into Teen Spirit. As i rolled through marin county hills behind mercedes' and beemers, i heard kurt scream, A Denial A Denial A Denial!! i thought,

My God, What Have I Become? WHAT WOULD KURT THINK?!