Let's talk about cars

lately i've been entertaining myself on the road with a game of "male or female?" the way you play is pick out a car near you and decide if it's male or female. surprisingly, it's really obvious which cars are which. there are a few crossovers. i guess these would be gay cars. it's fun to personify past that too. try to imagine cars as people.

my car is definitely a girl. guy's is gay. it's a lesbian. i try to avoid judging obvious cars like really big ones. they are almost always male. except for the hummer h3. i think that one's a girl. the VW golf or gti is a guy. they're not even man cars, they're guy cars. like indie guy, not WWF. i don't think i could ever drive one. i'd start to feel like a guy. the toyota camry, my least favorite car in all the world, is a person who wears a lot of beige. the BMW X5 is another example of a girl car that's kind of tough but with feminine curves. guy thinks maybe it's a lipstick lesbian. those 1970s ford trucks are male. they are the scarecrow from wizard of oz. it's no coincidence that mini-vans are the car of choice for moms. they are female post-giving birth. they have wide hips. the passat is a modern male who decorates with mid-century bent wood furniture. jaguars are males. they're high-profile executives. CEOs. the VW bug is a sorority girl on her way to the beach. most slanted cars are male. which is strange, because they have curves, like the camaro. mini coopers are male. for some reason they have a gay rep. i don't see that. to me, they're like preppy prepschool guys. very straight, just young and mobile. porsches of all kinds are male, but 1970s porsche 911s are punk rockers while porsche carreras are rapists. so that's tricky.