beer friday

sometimes, and it's been about 6 months, but sometimes my work buys several cases of beer for everyone who's overworked, which is everyone. this is a very cool aspect of my work...that sometimes pales in comparison to all the crap, but nevertheless pulls it out of the ditch somewhat. i've never worked anywhere else that did this.

(note: that's a handrolled cigarette, not the manna from heaven i wish it was)

art department

"art department" refers to the last art department i was a part of. there were four of us. three actives and one silent. three out of four of us were virgos, but that's another story. we were very funny in art department. we cracked ourselves up all day long, we were so funny we imagined we could be a tv show complete with a soundtrack and action figures. i miss art department very much. it was fun to go to work then, i almost never hated it. a good work situation is so much more about the people around you than the actual work. i might have even enjoyed being a floor sweeper or t-shirt counter with those people. there will never be another art department, but i am hopefully going to be able to bring one of comrades on over to this hell job. we'll see next week. he's so much better than this stupid job, and he knows that and that it will only be temporary, but i am excited about the strangeness, the revisiting of half of my beloved art department once again.

ps. i also met guy in the art department. a definite plus (kissing in the stairwell, in the elevator and on the 10th floor!)

Day 5: Bryce to Lake Powell

Get straight up, drive into Bryce Canyon National Park, hike 2.2 miles, a nice hike - feels good to straighten out flattened ass, get great pictures, drive 2.5 hours down dirt road toward Lake Powell, this is my suggestion, I feel I am getting better at dealing with the map. Dirt Road Driving is so fun. It is so much better being out in the middle of nowhere, barrelling down a dusty road, alone. We get a lot of pictures, stop at Grosvenor Arch, go straight to Lake Powell store, get beer, sunscreen and combos, drive 45 minutes into middle of nowhere on way bumpy 4WD road in our sedan to amazing mars/moon-like spot in canyon. Set up camp and eat mushrooms. Guy tells me I'm beautiful. When he says this I get shy, I stick my tongue out, I tell him, "I'm licking the sky." We take pictures of rock formations lit by colored glow sticks and remote controlled car headlights. We're entertained for hours, we eat, we go to bed. It's my favorite night so far. So fun. So alone. Incredible, truly relaxing. No paranoia of wild animals or drunk morons, there aren't even any bugs.

We realize here for the 2nd time, that silence is what scares us, just like on the mesa ouside of Zion. We are looking for bugs/people/animals to impede on our space and threaten us. Because this is our second night like this, we are more at peace with peace. We can accept that we are our only enemies. Like what guy told me at the beginning of the trip, "You know what's so cool? We can do anything we want, as long as we don't kill ourselves." It's like when we're at home, in the city, we have so many threatening agents around us all the time and we are so busy protecting ourselves from Them, we forget to see ourselves as a possible threat, like cancer, the silent killer, which is indeed what power we have against ourselves. Here, it is different.

We have only ourselves to look at and look out for.

Day 4: Zion to Bryce

Day 4 is period day. Ouch. Crampy and crabby. We decide to drive straight through Zion and up to Bryce Canyon where we get a hotel room in a resort. Ahhh. thank god. I can now change my tampon in the way in which i have become accustomed. This day/night finds us: taking showers, washing clothes, going swimming indoors, watching TV, going out to dinner (steak and shrimp, not bad) and sleeping in a bed.

waiting rules

at work i make artwork that is 12'x18' in size. i have been given a G4 to do this with. my monitor is big enough within which to fit a toddler. this provides for me lots of time to watch the little rainbow-colored spinning wheel go round and round while waiting for an eps to save or a document to open. considering my extreme short attention span problem, i end up taking digital pictures of my feet, reading old emails, sending text messages, picking my nails, oh, and writing this. it's amazing the logic that provides this situation. penny wise, pound foolish. companies. DUH!

guy is so hot

just look

Day 3: Lake Mead to Zion National Park

Zion is only two hours at the most from Mead, but we are discouraged upon arrival by the shuttle-only transportation into the park, slightly rude rangers and difficult-to-acquire trail info. We decide to leave Zion and go check out a ghost town nearby called Grafton, while speaking vaguely of "vigilante camping", camping somewhere randomly on the side of a road as we had seen others doing. Grafton: not scary. Not creepy. Not weird. Too much restoration. It looked like it was born yesterday. On our way back to Zion from Grafton we see another dirt road and we take it just to see what happens. Our map gives us it's name and after brief discussion of maybe camping there, we instantly get drawn out of some unnamed funk, and get excited. Guy's mood is noticeably different, This is so exciting! he tells me and off we go. Every turn we take makes our hearts beat faster, not knowing what the dirt road might turn into and only the slightest of dirt road maps on my lap. An hour later we find a place to camp. Initially trepidatious due to fear of freaky, drunk local ya-hoos who might want to fuck with us, we soon realize we are very completely alone and whoop and yell and drink and eat and fall into deep, lovely sleep.

Day 2: LV to Lake Mead

*Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed.
Some sequences and details of events have been changed.
The author has made every effort to embellish as much as possible,
so as to take reader on good ride.

Wake up late – 10:20am because hotel calls to say "check out in 40 mins." Get breakfast at Coco's next door. Scary waitress moves so fast and automatic, we leave her 15%, a rarity for us 20%-ers.

Hit the highway wanting to buy a tripod, stop at Las Vegas outlet malls. On the way, call mom, say Hi Mommy! Happy Easter! She says 3x how happy she is for me getting to take this trip. I can hear her own personal love of adventure welling up in her throat. As we pull into the outlet parking lot, guy is on the phone to his mom. I imagine her side of the conversation. I know she's asking if we saw the "car show" in Vegas. Guy tells her, no we got too distracted by video poker. Big laughs, bigh laughs. I know next she is asking, did we get to Zion yet and guy says, Well we're on our way, but we got distracted by the outlet mall. More laughs and goodbye. Go into mall, get tripod, leave. Halfway to Hoover Dam we get in a sudden, terrible fight. Guy yells at me, I freeze up and stop thinking. All about reading the map correctly and me being a bad navigator. We pull over to get food, I say Let's fix this, he says It was wrong to yell. Not quite fixed, but good enough and we're on our way to Hoover. 4 miles out we decide against it and drive into Lake Mead area since the 4 miles out at Hoover is an actual line of cars waiting to get in. Mead is hot and dry, dusty and dull. We find somewhat ok, kind-of-not, but anyway campsite, set up, have some wine, build a fire, play scrabble, scrabble game sucks, guy is bored, we go to bed by 10:30p. Fortunately, me, the Legendary Insomniac falls asleep too.

i have often wished for disaster just to make things more interesting

Day 1: SF to LV

*Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed.
Some sequences and details of events have been changed.
The author has made every effort to embellish as much as possible,
so as to take reader on good ride.

Friday night our roadtrip started with a blast off into the sunrise. We left the Castro district at 10pm with the last of the chores completed by 10:15. We were high on speed and extra edgy. My PMS was reaching a crescendo and really got the edge juice it needed from the methamphetamine.

"This is us leaving on our big roadtrip!" i told guy.
"Yes it is!" he yelled, all round eyes and mischief.

We kissed and tore off.

The next 8.5 hours were often blurry. I had to take my high down a notch with a lot of vodka once we hit I-5. We talked and laughed and listened to music, once in a while stopping for a snort. You know, totally run of the mill roadtrip antics.

Las Vegas popped out of the horizon at 7am. We pulled into a Motel 6, one block off the strip, only to find out we had 6 dangerous hours to kill before check-in. We were two sketchy heads on wobbly legs as we set out to find something to do. We decided on breakfast at the rainforest cafe followed by gambling with money neither of us has. Looking for a dark place to sit and stew for a few hours led us to the Luxor. We sat down and proceeded to spend over $300 total on video poker while drinking vodkas and smoking cigarettes. It was only 10am.

Other time-killing activities included sex in the backseat of our accidental fullsize sedan, a truly exciting teen activity never imagined to be trumped by sex later in the evening that could only be described as SeeSaw Sex. Spinning eyes, red flushed faces and total exhaustion. Ahh, the best.

By 1pm, we were situated by the pool at the Motel 6 in a definite kind of heaven. For one thing there was SUN. SUN. Something that had been eluding San Francisco for a good two months. I sat and read an interview with my favorite actress Jennifer Aniston and guy worked on figuring out how to use his super high-functioning Digital SLR camera. At one point, I realized that I was beginning to relax, to feel like me, and I told guy, This totally rules. He looked up, smiled and said, It does doesn't it. We were now vacationing and feeling pretty stoked.

The rest of the day was spent in bed, watching HBO: Ellen Degeneres standup and some retarded Arnold movie. We ordered the best Thai food delivery I have ever had by evening and crashed out at 9.

gym

yeah, i'm joining a gym. it seems so dumb. why pay for exercise when there are stairs and hills everywhere? for some reason, the gym makes you exercise more. maybe it's the money put in. ALSO, i am such a dork at gyms. i never have the right outfits. i can't stand buying the right outfits, that's even more lame. i wear boxers for cardio and pajama bottoms for yoga or pilates. i am so embarrassed that i have to do this, but i have gotten a) so stressed out by (? life ? existence ?) that i can barely think anymore and b) too big for all my clothes.

my shrink says it will make me sharper, happier and thinner. we'll see.
LAME!

i thought i was having angina. but they said, no, you've just lost your mind.

my thighs are healing finally

more on that later.

the best day ever

jetskiing in canyons on lake powell. mindblowing fun. we went 45 mph and almost died! just kidding.

grafton, not so scary

grafton is a ghost town outside of zion national park. neither guy nor i got any vibes there. oh well. still cool.

guy watching Friends naked

i love watching Friends in different cities, or better yet, on the airplane. it's so out of context. also, because i watched it for 10 years, it is comforting to me. like the afgan my grandmama crocheted.

this is in bryce canyon. we got a room three nights out of, oh i don't know. i don't feel like counting them right now.

a las vegas breakfast

yep, we're back

"yep, we're back" reminds me of ellen degeneres' famous time magazine cover stating, "yep, i'm gay!" which reminds me to mention when guy and i were in our vegas hotel room on night 1 (2), we caught ellen's show on hbo. oh my god, it's really really good. we laughed so hard we choked. not sure WHICH show it was, really, we were delirious after an 8.5 hour drive and 6 dangerous hours killing time in vegas before our hotel room was ready...anyway, check it out, ELLEN. so funny.

ok, this is how it's going to go. i wrote a crapload while on our trip. i want to post it all but will have to do so slowly over the next few days as i work with a few vultures who have taken to listening for the sounds of my keyboard actually partaking in something creative (seriously, i was told it sounds different and i get busted for it since it's not what i'm being paid to do - whatever). ANYWAY, there will be a few chapters coming down the pipes in this sort of order:

day 1. no sleeping - SF to LV
day 2. las vegas
day 3. lake mead, utah
day 4. zion, utah
day 5. bryce canyon, utah
day 6. lake powell, utah and AZ
day 7. lake powell some more
day 8. flagstaff
day 9. phoenix

cowboy

alright, this will be short because i am on a computer in a lobby of a hotel near bryce canyon utah and i just spent 8 minutes writing only to have it log me off...

last night was amazing. guy and i stayed on a mesa like vigilantes camping illegally off a dirt road that we drove on for an hour to find the most amazing camping spot ever. overlooking zion national park cliffs with no one around for miles..,

see you soon. gotta go! dammit!!

it will be one of those "only in san francisco" moments

on sunday, april 16 is a very special race, a Big Wheel race. Bring Your Own Big Wheel is apparently an annual race down Lombard Street. show up at the top of lombard at 4pm. it looks to be all ages. wish i wasn't going to miss it, but i can't say i wish i was going to be here.

name writer/performer (s) of these (parentheses songs)

ok, whoever can name all these songs without looking them up on the internet...wins a free, brand new copy of GUMMO on DVD.
good luck, folks.

1. ('till the) wheels fall off
2. (get a) grip (on yourself)
3. (i want to live on an) abstract plane
4. (my baby does) good sculptures
5. (right on) thru
6. (what a) wonderful world

AND THE NUMBER SONGS, NEXT IN LINE, ARE PRETTY GREAT TOO.
name these:

1. 2:1
2. 5/4 FiveFour
3. 7 chinese bros.
4. 7/4 (shoreline)
5. 10:15 saturday night
6. 19-2000
7. 50 ft queenie
8. 100%
9. 106 beats that
10. 1999 (radio edit)

(what a) wonderful world

today rules for a few reasons.

1. sex first thing in the morning.
2. smoke pot before work. a rarity. a pretty-much-never. but an i-love-it.
3. sunny walk to work. walk all the way (couple miles - 50 minutes)
4. decide to play songs in order on itunes, starting with the parentheses songs, which, for some reason is the best combo of songs on the whole ipod (4gig nano).
5. after work, it's VACATION!!! it's TEARING OFF INTO THE SUNSET!! it's SAYONARA, LATER AND GOODBYE!!!

the elusive yeti: not so good

she's got kidney disease. she might have a brain tumor. i can't afford the test for that. i'll know it though when she starts having seizures. right now i'm going to have her tested for what her kidney damage is and see if she has a urinary tract infection. if so i'll give her shots (which i've always secretly loved. me fake doctor) and special food.

when i think of her tiny self being sick, i can't stand it. water comes out of my face.

that's all i can say.

now i have to work. somehow.

heretofore

i have decided against referring to the most significant person in my life as (boyfriend). it's just so (boring) and (ordinary). i have also started reading other people's (blogs) and realized that everyone refers to their S.O. in this way! how weird! so, HERETOFORE, (boyfriend) will be known as "guy."

thank you.

goin' mobile: the fantastic two get a car

things i want to do with car:

1. go to the beach
2. go to that cambodian restaurant in the richmond
3. wear short swishy skirt out on a windy night
4. go to target/trader joe's/home depot/ikea
5. buy more at the grocery store than i can carry
6. stop hauling laundry up and down two blocks of 60degree hill
7. make out in the back seat
8. get out of town on a regular basis, spur of the moment, suddenly and without warning
9. drive to san diego to see old friends and walk barefoot outside in a city again
10. go on tour with the grateful dead (just kidding)
11. sunday drives. especially to the Ramp.

girl needs job. lots of experience.

hi.
i need a new job.

my special skills include:
thinking up birthday presents that are personal
rescuing plants that are on their last legs
spelling well
and making tuna melts.

anyone?

xo

32 Subarus

on my way to work today i saw 32 subarus.

love, freedom and gasoline

three days away and i will be legs sticking out of window toe-tapping to ipod stereo sun burn on face, water-drinking cigarette-smoking, tank top and shorts wearing hair in ponytail love freedom gasoline and beautiful golden boy at the wheel.

i want to be sailor and lula without the whole bobby perue scene.

"ohhhh, SAIL you make me hotter than georgia asphalt!!"

big dilemma

do i go see sonic youth at the (awful) bill graham civic opening for (ew) pearl jam?

(tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...tick tick)

dilemma solved: YES

a non-farter switches teams

i can't believe it, but (boyfriend) has developed a farting problem since moving in with me. he was a non-farter when he lived at his place. i always felt like it was some kind of miracle. i would tell him then, "i am so lucky you are not a farter." and then we would joke about how clean he is, as if that has something to do with his digestive system.

so what's going on now that we live together? seriously, both of us would like to know.

they're really big and fat too. wow. they really punch the air. i think like sneezes, our farts reflect our personalities. i like a healthy fart if i have to have any. wussie farts are like wussie sneezes. they make me wonder how interesting the person inflicting them on surrounding parties could possibly be.

i vote for big laughs, big sneezes, big farts and while we're at it: big belches too.
let's let it rip and start laughing.

sonic television

KIM AND THURSTON ON GILMORE GIRLS
Thurston and Kim, plus daughter Coco on shakers, will appear on the May 9 epsisode of "Gilmore Girls" to perform an acoustic version of the new SY song "What a Waste."

don't forget don't forget i can't forget!

4.12.06.20.00

i'll find out on wednesday if my cat is dying. what else am i supposed to think? definitely not that she's ok. she's been crying more and more and more. deaf loud flat crying. from under the bed.

by 8pm on wednesday i will know.

rama lama ding dong

my weekend:

shoot scenes for crazy indie film where i play a detective pick up guns, put them down, load them, pick them up point them at imaginary bad guys, put them down do it again sleep get up do some writing take BART to berkeley meet up with friend drive to small norcal farming town see girlfriends drink smoke laugh flip off the camera sleep get up drive back to insane bay area sit in traffic we're ex-haust-ed get a burger at anonymous diner in emeryville want to avoid hipsters succeed go buy cat supplies (CAT SHOW! CAT SHOW!) go home lay down for half hour go to another party immediately drink 3 tequilla shots rockin rockin rockin fun bbq usa play with 4-yr-old wrestling on sofa i tell dad dad i'm so happy son likes me dad says i would like you too if you rolled around on the sofa with me ha ha laughs fun food drinks music crazy beautiful spontaneous music i get to witness go home go to bed.

(happy birthday lama. GOOD GIRL!)

monday.
what a bummer.
monday is cruel.
work is stupid.

four days and i'm outta here for 9.
(deep sigh)

last night i dreamt there were monkeys in my attic

this is is going to be a tough one to figure out.

ta ta and away i go

i won't be writing much today. i'm going to (north county) to hang out with some old old pals. it's a girl weekend. lots of talk of sex and lots of drinking of (alcoholic beverage native to area).

i will be with
(J) and i have been friends for 27 years. that's like, a whole adult. in 3rd grade she had one of those cool bracelets made out of beads with letters...designed to spell out your name. that was a big thing in the 70s: name jewelry. (J) was always very popular. super cute and friendly with rock solid loyalty. never have i heard her say a bad thing about anybody. (J) has a unique penchant for making funny noises followed by a boisterous laugh that gets everyone around giggling. she is gifted at drawing animated talking butts in particular.

(M) was (Js) best friend. (M) has beautiful flaming red hair and a personality to match. i use to smoke cigarettes with (M) on the bleachers in high school around the same time that she introduced me to pink floyd, certainly a turning point in my mental state. the three of us have been friends since we were 8. in junior high (M) and (J) made up a word, an exuberant salutation. they ran around in their Esprit sweatshirts, getting in your face and yelling "(made up salutation)." they also ran around asking "do you like kinky sex?" so funny the stuff we said before we knew what it meant.

(K) is beautiful with a victorian face and taste for vintage clothes. she always has lots of pretty silver bracelets on and tends towards large silver lockets. i met her later in life even though we are all from the same small nor cal farming town. you can always always always count on (K) to join you in smoking a smoke, drinking a drink and listening to your problems. we've grown somewhat seperate the last year and i miss her so much.

(W) was (Ks) best friend growing up. (W) has the best taste in fashion and design of anyone i know. she thinks she's a cow, but she is really beautiful too. she's got one of those aristocratic noses and wants to cut it off. she thinks she looks like a witch. she is out of her mind. (W) is one of my closest confidantes. she may come off blunt at times but she can be counted on to speak the truth always. this is very valuable. i adore her and couldn't get through this life without her.

(A). (A) is very very special. she is the kindest soul i know. she shares my insanity and we hold each other up on a daily basis. (A) is my one female musician friend and the best person i know on this earth. she really didn't believe me when i told her that recently. she possesses not one single judgemental bone in her body. when i think about how much i love her, i almost start crying. she is also from small norcal farming town but i only met her five years ago. she is secretly a bad girl with the face and heart of an angel.

so, anyway. i have some smokes to smoke and some drinks to drink with 5 Incredibly Amazing Beautiful Funny Smart and Talented Women. i don't know how i got so lucky.

ta ta.

trip-out illustrator trick

i just learned how to make these in illustrator.





choose a shape, any shape.
while holding down the tilde key, move your shape around and it will multiply. you can make it flip, twist and reverse. it also looks really cool with a very very thin outline only. like fine hair. apply a filter on it to take it even further.

concept cars are so cool.

Link

"Oh my god! i can't close my mouth! i can't close my mouth! oh my god! i have no penis and i can't close my mouth!"

"I'm really looking forward to seeing you tonight"

fuck off

ever want to tell someone to just fuck off?
there's someone i want to tell to fuck off right now.

i'm going to go have a diarrhea spray attack.
i'm going to go do it in honor of the person i want to tell to fuck off.

shah!

dude. my friend matt moved to berlin and opened a gallery and is making a living as an artist. whoever heard of such a thing. he's doing it. he's done it. he's super cool.

check out his art at:

Link

the elusive yeti

the sun has finally made an appearance over san francisco. the bay area has been bummed for weeks. it has affected the tiny too. six-year-old mitch has had nothing but cancelled t-ball games for weeks.

i didn't get much sleep last night because my cat, the elusive yeti, had three nightmares. she cries out in her deaf person voice - all flat and overly loud. she won't stop until i say her name, YETI! which i have to yell because she can't hear well. somehow (boyfriend) doesn't wake up. he's one of the lucky ones. the elusive yeti has been having more and more nightmares. somewhere deep inside i'm afraid she has cancer. she's 15. she's white. she was feral for a while before i found her. she was living outside, homeless, exposing her tender white pinkness to the sun day after day. she does not appear to be in pain. ever. but she is thin and she cries out in her deaf voice almost every night now. i'm going to have to take her in. i think the time has come. she's so sweet. she's a frail, little old lady.

sometimes when i hold her close i feel she might disappear into my chest.

the yeti.
this is probably what she looked like as a youngster. i didn't know her then.

at long last: the crowning

so, i don't know who saw this sculpture of britney spears giving birth, and who didn't:



some info on the artist:
Link


...and while that is funny enough, it's the other end people want to see, finally acquired and posted here:

could there BE anything more fallopian?

i made this at work today. just messing around in illustrator. coming up with a sort of muralistic design for a very big wall.
i showed a coworker and his reaction was immediate.

"i don't think i'd get much work done looking at that all day."

it makes me feel funny!
(and like i'm living in the rainforest cafe in vegas)

(on acid)

a life of space and old growth

(boyfriend) has a new job that's bitchen for many reasons.

1. working alone, no assholes around to take you down
2. working in a redwood grove in marin
3. does not have to take public transpo and experience a certain exposure death from the freewheeling nuthouse that is san francisco (and the 22 fillmore in particular)

for the last six months, there has been talk between us of moving to the east coast, (small farming town) in particular. this has been a somewhat exciting thought because it's something different. bid adieu to the raving, drooling lunatic contingent, bid adieu to overwhelming self-medication and accessibility to such supplies, bid adieu to spinning our hamster wheels, expecting to actually get somewhere.

moving to (small farming town on the east coast) has sounded downright heavenly.

except now. now (boyfriend) has bitchen job in marin and has been exposed to the nice life, a life of space and old growth. and so last night he blurted it out: i want to make a lot of money and move to marin. his eyes got circular and he closed his lips quickly much like the first time he told me he loved me. the words flying out quick and hard like bullets. breathless and exhilarated, yet strong and serious. i have to say, i felt relief.

when thinking of moving to (small farming town on the east coast), we have expressed a lot of the same fears. missing our friends, missing our social lives with said friends and missing the diversity that is the bay area. even the smug storm (thanks trey parker) is more tolerable than a neverending sea of straight, white people. right?

but, ugh. i can't help continuing to wonder...is it a privilege to live in northern california? or is it a prison?

smart people...

who actually talk about how smart they are, have just proven themselves the opposite.

mutation

i grow several of these in my garden and was recently heartbroken when i saw one had lost half its head in a garbage can removal incident. not too long after, i noticed new little heads busting out all around the injury. now it's ten times what it was, quite spectacular in its mutation. i can't wait to see how it develops.

the metaphor here is obvious.

"Sometimes i have a really hard time not spacing out"

the other side of the muffin: an evening of GHB and BLT

as it turns out, GHB will work on you if you're on SSRIs. yay! we can all get high! this is a relief. i was successful in my attempt to levitate last night and can only attribute previous night's failure to not enough product at the get-go. apparently this drug is all about the initial punch, not the slow, constant feed. the really exciting thing about the evening was feeling an all-new high. there are still some mysteries left. it's a rejuvenating thought and an even more rejuvenating action. i recommend for those so inclined. also, no hangover. nice.

ok, now for something really exciting: a totally amazing gourmet BLT...read on.

ingredients: minced garlic, mayonnaise (or salted butter if you hate mayo), thin bacon, english muffin, basil - either dried or fresh, sea salt, very thinly sliced red onion, cherry tomatoes and spring greens.

1. fry up yr bacon. five slices per english muffin
2. stick english muffin in oven @ 450 for 6 minutes (no preheat)
3. thinly slice red onion, cherry tomatoes
4. spread light layer of mayo on toasted english muffin - get all the edges! spread small amount of minced garlic on one side
5. pile on tomatoes, add two shakes sea salt and several shakes of dried basil (or three to four leaves of fresh basil in which case you wait until the greens are put down to add)
6. lay bacon down on top, keep it even, fold the slices in half
7. on the other side of the muffin: lay down sliced red onion
8. next up, spring greens, not too many, fairly light
FINALLY
9. place halves together and cut sandwich in half

SO GOOD!!
this is what i've been making (boyfriend) at midnight. got to fatten him up so i can devour him later.

things that make me laugh out loud and threaten to get me busted at work for having fun

1. vice magazine

Link
click on "new york colonics"

an excerpt:
"...But wait. The water has not yet reached the point of your colon that you will come to call the 'hidden shelter of everything that is bad.' All the toxins, sad memories, wrong decisions, and regrettable indiscretions from your whole life prior to your colonic live there. These things do not want to get flushed out of you. So they fight. You start to sweat, dig your fingernails into your palms, and curse under your breath..."

2. Monk E-mail

this has singlehandedly saved me from a days-long terrible mood. use it to talk to your friends while you're at work and you're not supposed to be talking to your friends.

Link

i'm about to hyperventilate: sonic youth

from their site:

SONIC YOUTH NEW LP "RATHER RIPPED" DUE FOR JUNE 2006 RELEASE
Sonic Youth are putting the finishing touches on their upcoming new record. The song list is:

1. Reena
2. Incinerate
3. Do You Believe in Rapture?
4. Sleepin' Around
5. What A Waste
6. Jams Run Free
7. Rats
8. Turquoise Boy
9. Lights Out
10. The Neutral
11. Pink Steam
12. Or

Geffen Records will issue the CD edition while the band's own Goofin' Records will release the vinyl edition of the new album.

it has been brought to my attention that perhaps the fact that i'm on anti-depressants could affect the GHB action. i shimmy shammed this idea last night when (boyfriend) said it, but i have heard of it affecting ecstacy effectiveness since.

being a depressive is so annoying.

but being paralyzed would be more annoying.

i can't believe he got bloomingdales and i got mervyns. motherfucker.

i don't necessarily want a new drug

i tried a new drug last night. i haven't had that experience since ecstacy in 1992. GHB. how weird. actually, what's weird is that (boyfriend) got super high and i felt only a tinge. we did the same amount. WTF? we're going to try it again later in the week. i felt like an alien insect standing in the doorway, gracefully dragging on my cigarette, completely unaffected while he stood before me, a lowly human, reeling from the effects, eyes rolling back in his head. he looked at me through half-drawn lids and said, "you're advanced."