About a girl

She was 3 when i met her, at my school, the 2nd biggest party college in california, San Diego State. her mom, my friend and manager of the healthfood on-campus store where i worked, put her on the cold, hard, stainless steel countertop of the commercial kitchen. i looked at her. she was bigger than most small children. she had long legs and a big head. and bigger eyes that looked out through blue, full of clarity and knowledge. but pure, she knew, and yet her eyes had only seen what they had seen, which wasn't much. i didn't know then that she, her mom and i, would stay so close for years to come. i didn't know i would watch her grow from a curious kid, into a teenager with braces, into a college graduate with a double load completed in half the time. or a dentist, which is the plan.

I have letters she wrote as a teeny little girl, in a child-scrawl, right after she learned to write, and paintings from an older age, drenched in sparkles.

i remember giving her a pink stone necklace at age 6, a beaded one that i had made because i was a hippie deadhead, and then at a friend's wedding in LA, when she asked me what i was smoking and i said, It's like tobacco but different, and she said, "Oh yeah, T. smokes that." T. is her step-dad-figure, i think she was 8 then. she wasn't shocked or suprised and this is normal for her, always has been. her mom kept no secrets from her, and talked with her about everything. she was not a child that was ever lied to, or had things glossed over for her. at age 10 she knew what a vulva was. i know this because she gave me a painting and her mom proclaimed, "Well, A! that looks like a vulva!" and she looked at her painting and said, "Oh."

i remember A. at 10 when she and her mom came to visit and she was already as tall as me. i gave her some rings from my ring collection. and then at 12.5, she gave a speech for me at my first wedding, one she had written herself, all about how much she loved me. she had balls that my 20-something sisters and bridesmaids didn't have. i was so proud of her.

and then i turned 30 and went to san diego to celebrate, and she was 13.5 and had braces and came to the beach with my friends, TJ and G. and D. and me. and then i remember her when i was 32 and i went back to san diego for TJ's second wedding and A. was my date. we danced like elaine, from seinfeld, on the dance floor and laughed so hard. she was becoming show-stoppingly gorgeous then, already. at 6'2" as her final height, she has always gotten attention, but even more so once she reached her teens.

i saw her again on her 16th birthday, when i visited her mom and her. she was very quiet and spaced out. i made her a crazy purse from tape. we sat on the back deck at their house late into the night, because i said something that suddenly released her and she talked nonstop for three hours.

and then she was 17 when she came to no.cal to look at colleges, and now she's 20 and about to graduate with a double major in philosophy and biology in only 3 years time.

we have such a special relationship. when she was little, she was like my niece. then when she was in her teens, she was like my sister. now she's an adult and she's one of my best friends. she isn't anything like me in so many ways. she is smart, and steady-handed, and level-headed, and not self-destructive in the slightest, and moderate in her activities and disciplined and not ever selfish or self-centered or self-consious, or shy. she's not obsessive or nervous and anxiety-ridden. so much of this is because of her mother, my friend, the best mother i've ever witnessed.

A. grew up far from me but so incredibly close in my heart. this is why i can remember every single time we hung out. maybe also because it was never quite enough, i treasured every moment.

cheers to a wonderful girl, grown up. and to her mother, my beloved friend and inspiration.