"Vulcanized construction with rubber outsole"

i haven't written in light years. i have been sick. i have preached and complained about it far too much. i'm done. for the last few weeks, it's been the only thing on my mind. no room for anything else in there. no ideas. no interests. just dealing. that means no writing.

that's over now. i've had some thoughts lately. like about snow.

this weekend guy and i are headed to tahoe, up high above emerald bay. we plan to camp in the snow. this is a crazy idea that guy loves, he has done before. me, i go along with pretty much anything that involves unusual realities and leaving town. as a non-driver, perhaps, leaving town is a huge high for me. freedom.

last night we shopped for necessary items and for the first time in my life i have snow gear, at age 36. how california is that? guy grew up with snow and skiied his whole life and even wanted to go professional at one point. me? i've skiied only every five years since the age of 17, and never had more than a sweater to wear over a turtleneck. and a tshirt. and maybe a tank top too. i've never had a snow jacket or my own gloves or my own snow pants. i've always worn, and will tomorrow still, my step-grandfather's ski pants made in the 50s. that's right. antique pants.

fortunately they're practically made of steel and have not disintegrated in the slightest. funny thing though, he is only about 5'5" and i am close to six feet. how do these things fit me? although they're stirrup pants, they're super tight and have no chance of falling down. so i just pull really hard and up the come. the inside feels like sandpaper, but hey. whatever.

guy has no idea how exciting my new snow gear is to me. i feel like i've finally gotten my due. growing up around rich kids is hard. they get new skis every year and hot little outfits that go together. again, i wore sweaters to ski in. on my ski trip, i even wore jeans. lame. not cool. sad. but not anymore.

i have a beautiful down jacket with a hood. down jacket! WOW! and gloves that fit MY hand. not some distant relative's hand. and snow BOOTS! not sneakers, with color that runs all over my socks and feet upon getting wet. it's simply fantastic. i feel like i finally got the bike i always wanted. yeah, that dream hasn't come true yet.

one childhood dream at a time.