"Look at me! Look at me!"

the other day i had an instinct that turned out to be true and pure. i had a feeling during the day, that i needed to call my sister. the one with an infant. the feeling persisted, but i ignored it. later that evening, said sister called. she sounded concerned. she said, "why did i feel like i needed to call you today?"

the thought had gone through my head that day as i pondered calling her, that when i do call her, i should be careful to say, "how are YOU?" and resist asking about the perfect precious child that she would be holding. i let the fantasy go in my head for a while. i thought about how we talk a lot more now because of the baby, and i've even visited her more, because of the baby and i wondered, is this a pain in her ass? that everything is about the baby?

that night she called me and as usual, we talk about me first. all my problems and over-thought thoughts and so on. afterwards, i remembered to ask, "how are you?" of course this lead to talk about the baby during which she said, "you know he's very popular!" and she gave the laugh i know, the laugh that isn't because something is funny, but because something sucks that doesn't seem like it should suck. something that makes her nervous to say. i asked her what she meant and she explained how everyone always calls and immediately asks about the baby and no one wants to know how she is!! it's like she's a baby reporter, not a real person!

i couldn't believe it! i had totally nailed it. i asked her if she noticed how i didn't do that and she yelled into the phone, YES! she was so relieved that not only did i understand what she felt, but i had pre-empted and fixed it before she had to say anything.

two lessons here:
1. instinct is almost always right, so listen to it.
2. give new moms some special attention and try very hard to not mention the baby all the time, every time.

the end.