so my substitute primary care physician doesn't know what the rash is. he didn't know anything, just like most of them. didn't ask me any questions. It was my idea that it could be poison oak, after he was about to send me packing with Tinactin for a foot fungus and a case of vascular id. very interesting, vascular id. when an infection moves from one part of the body to a different, very far away part (like for me, from toe to palms of hands after 6 weeks), it's called vascular id. (when he said it my first thought was, Of course. My id. My id has something to do with this). it has to do with your immune system becoming compromised and the body expressing stress by transplanting the problem elsewhere. (many many metaphors can be made here, none of which i have the attention span to work out, not even on strattera).
my substitute doctor walked in the room and it was nothing less than a shock. he was a total turtle-man. like the guys you see with all the underarm muscles that make them walk funny over on castro street. i liked him right away. he's an extremist. he's got a tiny waist.
substitute doctor was very nice and totally accomodating, but i did not bring up the sourdough spore fungus idea. he wouldn't have had a clue. he liked the idea of poison oak since i have a cat who lives outside in the marin hills, but the fact that the rash started on my toe and then just showed up on my palms is inconsistent with poison oak. unless it was vascular id, but poison oak doesn't really work that way...it spreads from one source outwards very rapidly. this stayed localized for over a month, then showed up on my palms right as it started to go away on my toe.
muscle doctor gave me a script for steroids without finding out if i'm even on any other medicine that it could counteract with. maybe it doesn't counteract with anything, but i find that unlikely. especially in regards to me, where everything affects everything. i asked him what kind of medicine is prednisone. he said steroid. it will make you irritable, gain weight and not sleep, but it will get rid of the rash.
when i realized our conversation had created about 20 new questions for me, i just stopped talking. it was useless besides i had another agenda to carry out before he got tired of me.
klonopin. what i always take when i fly, except twice. only one of those trips wasn't a horrific nightmare come to life. it's a touchy subject though, asking for a drug that has some recreational properties (although most people would just pass out, like guy did at his desk once when he took twice what i told him). i have experience with this so i broach it carefully and completely premeditated.
"I also wanted to ask my doctor if he would give me a refill on some klonopin because i'm taking a trip in about a month."
what's your dosage?
"1mg (although i always take 2mg in a sitting while traveling, saying the maximum would get me found out as a true obsessive over it's active ingredients. .5mg is the minimum and only for drug virgins, therefore declaring the middle is a smart tactic)."
how much do you need?
"hmmm." i thought for a few seconds and sort of made a counting motion with my head, because i was counting in my head and answering the question for real. "ummmm, let's see...two...four...six (seven eight nine)...and then back...i need 10." he smiled at me and said, so if i give you 20 you're not gonna pass 'em out at parties are ya? i looked at his face, saw nothing condescending, thought about how funny that would be if the general public took klonopin to party with, how fast they'd pass out, and told him, "no. i don't think so."
he gave me a script for 20 klons and a run of steroids.
doctor muscle does not know what's on my hand and what was on my toe and he wants me to take a drug that aggravates my biggest problems in life...this was just too much to truly believe in, but by the end of the day i had swallowed one day's worth of steroids. just to see.
the result wasn't immediate. it was the day followoing that was very very unpleasant. i had an overall feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction with every turn. it was like being on the estrogen and projesterone i had to take for the endo. so bizarre, and yet so familiar...which is what made it bizarre.
my decision to just continue to apply the decade-old steroid ointment came easily. although i am not lost to the fact that i am still on steroids, it is obviously a much kinder solution. plus, he said the ointment is still good, as he also commented, "our out-of-date medicines don't work, but we send them to Africa, and they work, so..."
with this doctor visit, as with all the others i am reminded that it's best folks, just to educate yourself and do it thoroughly. with anything that goes wrong. if you keep track, do research and listen to your body (refrain from hippie jokes), you are your best doctor. just use the people in the white coats as drug dealers because that is 90% of what they are.
7 comments:
I know that you are careful and attentive, but pills scare me. I hate being chained to them. Maybe I've seen too many bad episodes of Charlie's Angels, but pills always make me think of quicksand metaphors.
I'm also remembering that one of the reasons you started the injury log was to step back at some point and check whether you are indeed injury prone. Do I remember correctly? Any insight gained?
i would almost have to ask readers what they think. are my injuries and somatic illnesses uncommonly frequent compared to their experiences?
to me, what i thought still remains. and that's this:
uniquely talented at pulling out hair. precisely in the way of the blade. clearly not ever going to see all the steps. enough phobias to kill a baby. most likely to injure self. highly unlikely to be sober. #1 razor blade licker. never ate paste, maybe should have. crying her way to the circus. not tested on morons. in excess of the recommended daily dose.
It doesn't seem to me that you are any more or less injury prone than anyone else. You are certainly very aware of what's happening in your body systems, something you have in common with Darcey, and something that I have not trained myself to pay attention to. In any case, it's always fun to read about!
ah so this is where i need to go to communicate with eric "the quack" laine.
not uncommon to my experiences i got the hives for like one night. at your house to boot - must have been all that dancin ;)
my hosuemate "the nursie nurse" says a doctor once told her never to treat the first symptom. like heart pangs. what if we all went to the er for those?
oh, i have. twice. the first time was a panic attack and i knew i was about to die. the second time was really really really bad acid reflux. i didn't have insurance then. i still owe a lot of money on that one.
i once danced a little too hard with the christmas snow and found myself heart racing, on the couch horizontal, my friend CP cooling me down with wet towels. psychosomatic? snow induced? both? i sure felt like i was going to die. i do believe stress begets stress and thus if you think you are more ill than you actually are you may actually become more ill than you actually were.
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