BHBBWL

Bong Hits Before Bed With Lou.

it was something my room-roommate in my 3rd year of college and I used to say every night when it happened. later it became BHBBWL.

i've just driven 2.5 hours to guerneville for some needed time off and alone. how lucky am i to have a friend with a house on the river, dudes? seriously lucky. i went through all kinds of complicated maneuvers - besides getting lost and doing two potentially lethal driving moves - to find the key for the house, but I DID IT. i drove for an entire hour on back country roads between hwy 101 and the ocean because of a shortcut she told me about. one tiny detail was omitted but here i am. and i'm happy.

i've got wifi, who knew!! right here in her kitchen. strong signal too. got friend E.'s speakers set up with my ipod to play music, got D's bong and she doesn't even mind if i smoke bali shag in the house.

heaven. i am telling you. (oh, and how that song made me bawl when i heard byrne do it a few months ago, 'nother story).

i feel happy.

i've never done this. gone off for a weekend alone. i've unpacked. i turned on the water heater off of "vacation mode" into "warm to hot mode" - never done that before.

BHBBWL.

maybe i just want to be young again. i don't want to go through my 20s again, but i did really enjoy 1990. i was 20.

haven't lived alone in 11 years. another staggering fact. i loved living alone. i did have my (new) best friend living upstairs, so i'm not sure how much "alone" i was. we watched tv at least 5 nights a week together. 90210 and Melrose Place were our favorites. that was when we still lived in the lofts and painted all over everything and made big spray glue messes in our homes and just went apeshit with artwork. i smoked and painted and realized i had just realized my ultimate teenage dream: to smoke and paint in my own loft by myself (a la Andy). as a teen i told myself that when i accomplished that, i would then quit smoking. 15 years later, i still haven't. who's surprised.

then i met my first husband and then my second, bam bam just like that. "Boom! Just like that.*"

it all changed.



*great scene in Basquiat. The director does a stunning job, but is also a painter of whose work i cannot stand! Haven't seen the second one. something about a quadrapalegic.