The Grandmother

guy and i went and visited my step-grandmother the other day. She made quite a bit of money off Napa Valley poperty by investing in the mid-70s before everything went yuppie.

My step-grandfather just died. no tears there. really. i actually couldn't remember at one point if he had died or was just about to.

none of that matters to her. She's 89 now. She doesn't even have a car anymore. they separated in their 70s.

we took her smelly cheeses and crackers and red wine and she was delighted, "Well, at least you know your grandmother still loves to drink." I really was missing someting all those years when i didn't talk to this side of the family. I judged them all of my dad, while it turns out, they're all pretty interesting EXCEPT for my dad. Step-grandmother is still racist though, i have to note. i'm surprised. she went to Cal Berkeley.

She gave us one of her many pieces of collections that she has gathered over the years. She has three linen, silk-printed England, England Underground and Irish County prints. We got the Irish one. She was quick to note, "Not that we're blood-related." to which i said, "Well, my paternal family is Scottish and Black Irish." She smiled at me in an uncertain way and went on...

I'm afraid she'll die soon. she is 89. My own grandparents, who were the most aangelic, kind-hearted people you could ever know, died at 87 and 90. I know she wonders why she's still around, and I know she's preparing for her departure.

She also gave us an Ivory Tusk of some kind of Norwegian animal, a cork screw. It's beautiful. Thick, yellow-white and stamped "NORWAY" inside. Sure, we say, sure!

i am suspicious of my own motives. Do i really feel a need to re-connect with family or am i just buttering up the dividends?

i know myself, or maybe just my bio-dad to know it's possible that my motives could be false.

Hustler.

But I really do just feel like she's my last grandparent and maybe i need to appreciate this time more.

true.