"I cancel my subscription to the resurrection"

today starts a new kind of life for me.

i'm not looking for a job ever again. i'm not writing intro letters or resumes or interviewing or turning in a writing test ever again. i'm not meeting new coworkers, getting used to their habits, learning new filing systems, learning new procesess or finding out a male coworker is making more than me at a lower level. ever again.

i will not ever have someone tell me the fluorescents must be on because they can't see. ever again. i will never have to listen to the slow-chip crunching of the department hag. ever. or the shrill voice of panic during "crunch-time" or be told that something that's important to me doesn't really matter. or work hard, so hard all the time and still lose jobs once a year. never ever again.

no more being told that i'm doing too much work that i'm taking away work from someone else or that people don't do their jobs right and there's nothing you can do about it and oh by the way your hours are cut or stupid shit like that that corporate people say. nope. not ever.

no more feeling sick from long days of beige cubicle and no sunlight.
or air.
and no music.
and no movement forward.

no more craigslist. no more monkey at the keyboard. no more fear of thinking or fear of getting "caught" being smarter than a superior. and dealing with the fallout and the complicated interpersonal workings of non-family or friend-members in your breathing space 40 hours a week. yeah, no way.

never ever again will i tread water in that pool, holding my breath and praying i don't drown. nope.

i have left the trail.

the plan has become clear. i'm seeing light behind the hole after years of digging. the light is leading the way and i suddenly know exactly what to do and how to get there.

and i'm about to break through.

and be free.