"what happened to the door there in the wall"

i am going off of lexapro, the newest, coolest, most refined of anti-depressants.

i decided to go on it a year ago. i have past experience with SSRIs (namely 1996 - 2000) and have found that i am a situational depressive, not a chronic. for a non-chronic to stay on drugs indefinitely is for sure BIG BROTHER-ish. i refuse that. so, if i find out/feel that i'm behaving a little out of the ordinary for even a crazy artist type, i get on the drugs. i stay on for a while and then i get off, and i'm fine. until i feel "nuts" again (which is really a glorified overreation to events that are not as tragic as i perceive them to be), and then i'll go back on them.

i have been feeling spectacular lately. really great. my job. my man. my home. etc. good stuff. so i decided, hey, it's time to get off of these drugs that block my perception of things and the way that i process such perceptions.

and i feel fantastic. i'm so happy to get these drugs out of my brain and my body and i feel sane and able and good. and soon the 30Lbs. that mofo drug put on my body will be gone too.

i encourage people to do their own research, always, for all medical concerns, but especially those that are less researched, like mental health and treatment. doctors/pharmacists/pharmaceutical companies/the goverment would rather you just take them all the time. in fact, a regular medical doctor has the power to prescribe such drugs, without any study whatsoever in psychology or psychiatry. how ridiculous is that? would you have a foot doctor diagnose and prescribe a heart patient???

so, it's important to keep track yourself, do your own research, and make your own decisions because those guys: mds, phds, and whatever, don't really know. mental health is too new a science and the drugs they prescribe have barely any history or trial tests to pull information from. it's a fucking crapshoot and the guinea pigs, ironically, are the crazy people who most often can't give a doctor an accurate snapshot of what is happening if they tried their very hardest, especially if they're on freaking brain drugs.

just a thought.