animals killed in the road

[there used to be a picture here based on the subject matter. sorry if anyone feels like i assualted them with it.]

intolerable: dead animals in the road. there are so many in marin county. if i see anything resembling a dead animal on the road, i look only enough to not hit it again. on my way to napa last weekend, i saw five. including what looked like a deer. i vaguely saw what looked like a grisly decapitation of a large rodent-type animal. that scene from watership down plays in my head. where animals in the forest are suddenly unable to travel, because each way they turn there's a road with roaring nightmarish automobiles intermittently and indeterminably burning paths through their backyards.

that day to napa, i was reminded of a bad scene in my life. my sisters, mom and i were in our turquoise dodge dart headed to sunday school and church one morning in 1986. we saw a black shape in the middle of the road ahead. i thought it was the neighbors' terrier. it wasn't. it was my cat, spaz, mother of Ed, my best friend at the time. we drove a small circle around the shape and saw it was her. i started screaming out, AHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! i hyperventilated. my mom yelled, "STOP IT RIGHT NOW! CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN!" my sisters sat bug-eyed and silent. stop, PLEASE STOP! i begged her. she wouldn't. instead, she drove us to church and called my dad to remove spaz from the road. i was left to sit in a sunday school class of one. on this particular sunday i just let the southern baptist bullshit wash over me. towards my face, over my head, and gone. there was no fight in me that day.

it is very very difficult to not loathe people. hate them. feel ashamed to be one of them. nasty, vile creatures we are.