Augusten Burroughs' Memory

augusten's new book about his relationship with a bad dad, A Wolf At The Table, is really stirring up a lot of dad memories for me. which is funny because that is the topic of AB's interview with new york magazine: how much can you remember? and why?

augusten's "assburger" (asperger's) brother, also an author, said this about AB having a tremendous memory and perfect recall:

“I really feel strongly that people are critical of my brother because he’s so emotional. But that absolutely does not mean it’s made up. Just because somebody dramatizes the emotional content of something in their mind does not make it false.”

augusten is having to answer a lot of questions about his memoir writing and style and ability to remember details starting at one and a half years old. the idea of emotions making a deeper memory footprint really resonates for me. i have always remembered details about what i was wearing at certain events and where i was when i heard a certain thing, and what i was looking at while listening, with a special talent for remembering conversations verbatim...and what a coincidence: i've also been called "SO" emotional more than anything else in my life. this kind of emotional fallout really brings to light a lot of ideas i've yet to investigate (can you make yourself remember something more clearly if you scare yourself at the same time?)

how about this totally unexciting conversation i had weekend before last. why would i remember an unexciting conversation? doesn't seem like an emotional situation, but ah, it was. i felt very strongly throughout the conversation. first i was really angry and annoyed, then sad and self-hating. i'm not sure why else i would remember something so banal.

with lady at gas station in a poor central valley town:
(i'm buying a bottle of smart water)

lady: so, ya gotta get the "smart water" huh?
me: uh, yeah. (i look up, hating her, knowing she's about to spout what she thinks is an original thought)
lady: aren't the waters all the same?
(she smirks and looks at me, like "AH-HA! i cornered you ridiculous brand-loyal water drinker!")
me: no. this one has a sharper taste than most because of the electrolytes.
(lady waits for a smile. i don't give it to her. i'm annoyed. her face falls.)
lady: oh.
(then i feel bad, she knows not what it means.)
me: but most of them are the same.
lady: oh.

i already know how augusten's new book is going to be critiqued and why an attack on his memory happened in the new york mag interview in the first place. the first few pages read like a movie. he describes scenes i've seen. they're so familiar, but, at the same time, he so perfectly matches words to feelings...feelings that words didn't seem to have been invented for yet. but he finds them, and makes the feeling/memory clear, and that quality is nothing short of amazing. he's also funny.

"Trying to remember was like plowing snow, packing it into a bank. Dense whiteness...I could remember the smell of the sun on my arm...I saw a monkey on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child."