there's something very comforting about being in a hospital room. in all reality, it's the least likely place you will die. not the guy down the hall post-quad bypass, but you, just you, fairly healthy, just injured.
you will most likely not die in a hospital room than anywhere else in your life.
the Main Element being oxygen. oxygen is kept in hospitals. the hospital is oxygen's home. with oxygen nearby, there's almost nothing that can kill you, the fairly healthy, just-injured person.
oxygen = life. not death. how glorious to be in its presence.
i laid in the hospital bed doing nothing for 4.5 hours. they would not give me medication because i would be driving myself home. and who knew when that would be. my body and head hurt utterly and completely, but my mind was gone. gently, softly, absent in a catatonic kind of way. my arms hurt too much to hold up reading material or my iphone. i simply sat/laid down and stared. and was aware of it. and stared. i felt nothing. like michael myers in Halloween. the way he walks down the street with one swift single-minded motion while no expression crosses his face. ever. nothing. a mask. staring.
the night before i had taken a major fall, slipping on a slippery rug on wood floors while walking with intense purpose towards the bathroom, wine glass in hand, angry words spewing forth in an argument with guy. and then SLAM. i felt my chin hit the ground and sharp, bright points of pain and light flutter through the upper right side of my brain. it took me a while to unfold myself. with each move i had to be careful that i wasn't moving something terribly broken or twisted. when i unfurled, tears came.
falling can be so humiliating on such a deep level.
diagnosis: slight concussion with contusion on lower mandible. over-extended right wrist and contusion on lower left knee. "we haven't had to take one of these x-rays in quite some time" the old nurse told the young one.
this hospital-comfort-feeling just may become my new "safe place." people there are paid to take care of you. it's pretty guaranteed that you'll be nurtured.
a revelation.
No comments:
Post a Comment