orange velvet shift dress, black mary janes

and a bundle of nerves is what i was wearing the first time i met sonic youth. it was 1995 and i had let my little sister have my backstage pass. there was only one extra so i told my friends to take her in. strangely enough, really, it wasn't a hard decision and i was happy thinking about how much it was blowing her young mind.

go on in! have a good time!

i waited for them on market street outside of the the theatre. it was midnight. the tenderloin at midnight sucks and i knew this because i lived across the street on 6th. but i waited in my orange velvet dress, smoking cigarettes and tucking myself as closely into the warfield building as possible. i knew how to deflect the insane, how to become somewhat invisible and as i exercised these powers a security guard approached me,

"are you waiting for a ride miss?"

"no, my friends are inside. they're backstage, i'm waiting for them."

"hmmm." he said and paced slowly back to the ticket window and then back around and towards me.

"look," he said, "your friends are backstage?"

"yes."

"well, i'll take you back there, hold on..."

he was clearly concerned for my welfare, i'm sure i looked suburban and soft. he pulled out a huge ring of keys and opened a side door to the warfield i had never seen before. we walked down long, confusing hallways, totally unmarked, nothing to tell me where we were or where we'd end up when finally we came to a door. and he opened the door, and i saw my friends standing around and my little sister sitting at a table and i saw thurston moore and kim gordon and lee ranaldo and my sister sitting there, mouth agape, quietly soaking everything in, in this super dark navy blue room painted with glow in the dark stars and constellations.

"Hey! Hey!" my friends were surprised and happy to see me and i sat down and saw kim gordon look at my orange dress. i was way too scared to talk to anyone, i felt stiff and lame. my friend (D) gave me a washing machine magnet, from the tour, that she had had signed by thurston and lee for me. i just looked/not looked and watched/not watched, amazed...

...and then went home and sprayed thick layers of fixative on the magnet so that it would last forever.