i have no self control. it's true. in general, if i want something, i get it. i eat it. i take it. i go there. but now i'm 36, and i'm apt to gain weight, and i have to care about what i eat because i don't want to be overweight. i don't want thick thighs. i like cute clothes. i have been able to blame a lot of my weight gain in the last year on medication. it's totally true that my antidepressants put 20 pounds on my chest, ass, stomach and thighs and now the doctors have prescribed me copious amounts of hormones in order to control the symptoms from ovary problems that i am having to endure, until tests "ok" surgery. and i'm getting bigger. and bigger.
i am here now fessing up that i have very little, if any, self-control and cannot blame all of the weight gain on meds.
for instance.
this morning, this is what i do. i go to safeway to buy a salad that they carry that i like. one trick i play on myself is i get myself excited about healthy food. this is possible in some cases and one is called the Safeway Brand Chinese Chicken Salad. it's delicious. and huge.
and they no longer carry it. so i wander the store until i settle on a big-ass fucking sandwich. great. to make myself feel better i also buy a nonfat yogurt and an orange for my breakfast. then i go to mcdonalds because my bus isn't waiting for me and i can't sit and stare and wait for it. so i go to mcdonalds and i get a meal. not even just a sandwich but a meal.
as i walk out i pinch off a piece of the hash browns. ew. i pull out the sandwich. mack mack mack i take four bites and then my bus comes. i put it away and get on. by the time i reach my work, five blocks away, i have gained enough resolve to throw it all away. and i do.
i'm sitting here at my desk now with a lesson learned. if i fail myself that miserably again, which i will, i must take a few bites and then throw it away. it's not neat. it's a waste. i don't like it, but i will do it.
it's the new rule in the land of queen schizo eat-ffective.
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