divorce school

in ten minutes i'm off to divorce school. if i have filled out my papers out correctly, i will be divorced, finally, today.

divorce for me was not a heartbreak over breaking up. divorce is a technicality. a bullshit hoop i have to jump through to go on with my life after a relationship didn't work out. the relationship ended 2.5 years ago, and we never did anything about it, not because we wanted to work things out, or thought they would work out, or were holding on to some fine thread with desperation. we took our time for one simple reason: not wanting to deal. i don't want to deal with courts, and lawyers, and paperwork SO BAD, i put it off for two years. he refused to have anything to do with it at all.

but now the day is here.

there shouldn't be any screwups in the paperwork. i went over it meticulously with two different lawyers, but the second one said the first one gave me the wrong info. who's right? which one do i trust? what if the second lawyer was wrong? how long will this go on for then? i think to myself, i would pay anything to have someone do this for me, but i can't afford a lawyer. there's a woman at my work who has been working on her divorce for a year WITH A LAWYER. so there's that. no one can really do this CI-RAP easily and reasonably. even with a couple who had no kids, no money, no possessions. i mean, even the pets were all mine.

why can't we just sign a piece of paper saying, "i want to get divorced" ? much in the same way we signed a piece of paper saying, "i want to get married" ?

because the world sucks, america is fucking lame and nothing really makes sense on such a high level of authority. i feel like i'm walking into a very dark tunnel with no flashlight today. and i'll be in there for six hours.

good thing i have a fatty at home waiting for me.